Spider monkey?

It was a good thing we were sitting in the aisle seats, or we might have been beaten to death by a 13-year-old and her cell phone or ripped apart by her mother and a nail file. I have learned to never underestimate women who love Edward Cullen.

Opening weekend of "Twilight" was everything I expected it to be, with theatres full of estrogen and lots of squealing during the action sequences. I didn't expect Pattinson's performance to be so painful and I didn't expect there to be so much lipstick on either leading character. (Edwards lips were distracting and anyone who read the book knows that Bella's a Chapstick girl!)

I did, however, expect the movie to be a lot of fun, ripe with opportunities for merciless mocking and splendid moments of guilty pleasure. Which is why I'm glad I was on the end. Otherwise I might have been burned at the stake for giggling when Edward said seductively "Your blood is my own personal brand of heroine" or thrown out on my ears for scoffing at the "I'm stronger than I thought" montage and stifling hysterics when my date whispered "This scene brought to you by abstinence."

The credits rolled and several women around us let out content sighs. I've been holding in laughter all day. I can't help it ... it just sort of bubbles up everytime I think about Edward uttering in an attempt to be romantic: "You better hang on little spider monkey."

(And THIS LINK is just for fun.)