Thursday, February 25, 2010

Eat, breathe, sleep

A few weeks ago I was laying in bed half-awake with the half-asleep part of me convinced sleep was a four-part legal test and I could only convince the judge I satisfied three of them. He ordered me to stay awake until I could satisfy the fourth prong.

Judges are mean. Until you realize they are exhaustion-induced hallucinations.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Permission to move about the well?

The other side: "We'd like to have the government documents removed based on the fact they can't be substantiated."

The judge, turning to me: "Response, counsel?"

[Awkward pause as whole room waits for us to respond.]

Me: "Um. We object? Because it would be harmful to our plaintiff?"

[Awkward pause PLUS blank stare from my partner.]

The judge: "Counsel, are you citing to a specific rule?"

My brain: "There's rules??? What rules?? And they're NUMBERED?!"

You shouldn't hire me yet.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Nap time ...

It was one of those days. The kind where I left class ten minutes early because the ridiculous head-bob of delirium was starting to pose a danger to my classmates' physical safety and then I found myself on a couch in the student center face down on fabric that has seen WHO KNOWS how many shoes with my own feet on the other end of the couch revealing bright, neon pink socks that I only wore with my black dress pants and shoes because my feet were freezing and I figured I'd just wear them on the walk to school but then I was too tired to bend down and take them off. I had just under three hours before class so I fell asleep for a twenty minute nap to be followed by two hours of homework but instead, woke up three hours later. I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. So risking tardiness to class, I stopped by a mirror on the way in. Bad idea.

Dang those socks were pink.

It was the kind of nap where you are so tired that when you're falling asleep you are thinking two things:
#1 There is a very high probability I will jerk wildly awake with drool all over my face in front of all these strangers but I need this nap too badly to care.
#2 I wonder if anyone I know will walk through and see me sprawled out so pathetically. Who do I know that goes to BYU? Hmmm...most of them have graduated. Hey I know [insert name] went here. So did [insert other name.]

This last thought led to a really ridiculous strain of thoughts that involved hypothetical situations I did not want to occur like my ex-boyfriend randomly approaching me in the student center because of some really unlikely scenario that led him to campus even though he now lives states away and has been graduated for years. As I pondered how awful it would be to run into him like that, I started wondering who I WOULD like to be woken up by, pink socks, and drool notwithstanding. So I fell asleep thinking about my husband.

And woke up dreaming about tacos.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The heading under a case about a boat fire reads:

Like a Winged Monkey Flying Out of the Ashes ....

I really feel like there should be something to say about this.