"I don't know about you, but there's all these emotions conflicting and it's kind of left me just [ .... ] ."
His blank stare and overwhelmed posture in the silence made me laugh. I leaned back against him and the truck window trying to think of something to talk about that wasn't wedding or to-do list related. No luck. My brain drew a blank. So did my emotions. I had put off wading through the mess I'd been hit with all day and all of a sudden I wanted to sort through it.
So at 9:30 p.m. on a Sunday night I tried to make sense of the [....]
This is what I found:
Utter elation I'm in love with a wonderful man.
Total joy when the "diamond white" vintage dress I wore for bridals and couldn't wait to put on again flashed through my mind.
The thought that eternity is a REALLY, REALLY long time.
A total lack of income and more stress.
I was annoyed. For almost no explainable reason I was suddenly annoyed.
A sudden desire to hang pictures, cut vinyl, light scented candles and organize the heck out of our new apartment with cute baskets, sharp looking Rubbermaid containers and refinished second-hand furniture.
Overwhelming appreciation for my family.
The feeling I would never really go home again and it hurt.
Hope for the future.
And that's how I spent the last Sunday night I'll be single. One more full day and two more "sleeps" as Sam calls them. I'd say I'm excited but I think it's more accurate if I leave you with [ .... ]
It's going to be INCREDIBLE.