Monday, August 3, 2009

On [...]

"I don't know about you, but there's all these emotions conflicting and it's kind of left me just [ .... ] ."

His blank stare and overwhelmed posture in the silence made me laugh. I leaned back against him and the truck window trying to think of something to talk about that wasn't wedding or to-do list related. No luck. My brain drew a blank. So did my emotions. I had put off wading through the mess I'd been hit with all day and all of a sudden I wanted to sort through it.

So at 9:30 p.m. on a Sunday night I tried to make sense of the [....]

This is what I found:

Stress.

Fear.

Utter elation I'm in love with a wonderful man.

Awe.

Attraction.

Total joy when the "diamond white" vintage dress I wore for bridals and couldn't wait to put on again flashed through my mind.

The thought that eternity is a REALLY, REALLY long time.

Trepidation.

A total lack of income and more stress.

I was annoyed. For almost no explainable reason I was suddenly annoyed.

Joy.

Excitement.

A sudden desire to hang pictures, cut vinyl, light scented candles and organize the heck out of our new apartment with cute baskets, sharp looking Rubbermaid containers and refinished second-hand furniture.

Loss.

Love.

Overwhelming appreciation for my family.

More love.

Gratitude.

The feeling I would never really go home again and it hurt.

Hope for the future.




And that's how I spent the last Sunday night I'll be single. One more full day and two more "sleeps" as Sam calls them. I'd say I'm excited but I think it's more accurate if I leave you with [ .... ]

It's going to be INCREDIBLE.

5 comments:

Sierra said...

Such a great description of emotions! It really is like that... exciting, but nerve-racking. Congrats again! You'll make a beautiful bride!

The money will come from somewhere, the second-hand furniture is kinda fun with all its stories and quirks, and it will one day make you appreciate the things you have more since you will go from having not much of anything! :-)

jdust said...

Isn't it exciting. Wow. Good luck tomorrow!! It will be a wonderful day, as you can imagine. I wish I had a way with words like you do, but I don't, so it is nice to read yours and remember feeling that way too.

lifeofdi said...

I actually just poked my head up over Amorie's desk and went, "I'm I the only one weirded out that Brooke will be married in less than 24 hours?"

Weird. But happy.

Cari said...

Hope you have a beautiful wedding day! I'd like to see a picture of you in the vintage dress!

Drew said...

Wow, interesting post. Hope your happy, it's the most I can say.