Monday, July 20, 2009

On diagnosis...

The doctor peered into his pupils with a light and jotted down some notes. I waited anxiously next to the table.

"WAY too much Spongebob," he said.

I cringed guiltily.

He took the stethoscope, listening to the young patient's heart, and looked at me disapprovingly.

"When was the last time he had any significant physical activity?"

I wanted to melt into the floor.

He began pressing on his stomach and then whirled to face me.

"What did this child have for breakfast??! PIZZA?? ICE CREAM??!!!"

"I didn't know what else to do!!" I exclaimed in panic. It all came rushing out. "There wasn't any cereal. My mom hasn't had time to grocery shop in weeks. I figured the pizza at least had some protein. And I was so busy with invitations while she was out looking for the perfect color of raspberry to coordinate with the centerpieces, I didn't even know he had gotten the ice cream out until he was halfway through the carton! Besides, he likes Spongebob and I can't possibly ... "

"Invitations?" the doctor said coldly cutting me off. "These wouldn't be wedding invitations would they?"

I looked at the floor and murmured a 'yes.'

He scoffed and then looked with pity toward my youngest brother, sitting bored, practically mother- and sister-less and nutrient deprived on the exam table.

"Disgraceful," he said writing a prescription for an all-boys campout and a week of constant doting. "This is the third case of wedding neglect I've seen this week."

I shuffled slowly out of the clinic vowing to do better when I saw my fiance checking in with the nurse. He looked lonely and forgotten. Traces of disappointment still lingering from rejected date offers to accommodate florists and photographers, and hurt from curt responses to simple questions like "What did you do today?" and "There can't be that much left to plan, can there?" lined his face. I tried to sneak out undetected but the nurse spotted me and glared as I exited.

"Get ready doctor," she shouted to the back room as she drew some blood and found uncommonly large amounts of velum and satin in his blood stream. "I've got a good feeling this will be case number four."


Kristen said...

Poor Sam.

And poor me. How can THAT much wedding planning be going on and so little gets said about it. COME ON!

Natalie said...

Aw, but the wedding will be beautiful and totally worth it

Sierra said...

Ha ha that is so sad... but a little funny! :-)