Wednesday, May 20, 2009

On circles ...

"How's your weekend going?"

It's Wednesday at 9:41 p.m. I'm driving to Wal-Mart and I have a 12-hour work day ahead of me. It is definitely NOT the weekend.

"Just great," I try. "How was your day at school?"
"It was OK," he says with a heavy sigh. "We made ladybugs."
"I like ladybugs."

There's a pause in conversation.

"I love you."
"I love you, too, Sam."

There's another pause.

"So...," he says, looking for something to say. "How's your weekend going?"

Every phone conversation with Sam is upliftingly the same. He says he misses me. He asks when I'm coming home. He tells me he loves me. Then he asks how my weekend is going, no matter what day of the week it is. If I ask Sam how he's doing, sometimes he is good, and sometimes, he doesn't know.

I have a friend Davey who will laugh and exclaim "I don't know!" when you ask him how he feels.

"Are you sad, Davey? Happy?"
"I don't know!" he'll say again, giggling.
It's several hours after I've hung up the phone with Sam but now I'm the one going in circles.

"What's wrong?" he asks.
"I'm not sure."

"What are you going to do?" he asks.
"I don't know," I say with a heavy sigh.

How did it make me feel?
Heck if I know, I think. All I know is I'm a mess.

There's a pause in the conversation.

I scramble for something, anything, to break the silence I've created.

"I should let you go so you can get some sleep," I say for the millionth time.

I wonder if this is how Sam feels when he doesn't know what to say.

"I love you."
"I love you, too."

There's another pause.

"K ... Well, I should let you go so you can get some sleep."

At least we're consistent. In Sam's case that's not a bad thing: In his world it is always the weekend; and he will always love me.

My friend Davey was wearing a T-shirt with this Web site and the slogan "Spread the word to end the word," the other day. I've signed ... you should, too. And just in case you missed it ... October was National Down Syndrome Awareness Month. It definitely doesn't have to be October to tell someone you know with Down syndrome you love them.


Natalie said...

This is like the sweetest blog post ever.

lifeofdi said...

It's so funny Nat says that, because it still makes me sad.

Brooke said...

Don't be sad! I was going for sweet. =)

lifeofdi said...

I think it maybe makes me sad, not because of you, but of the self-reflection it creates in me.

What an awesome writer you are to inspire so many conflicting emotions :P

Token Asian Friend said...