Syntax and Syllables

Roe v. Wade

2012-01-24T13:00:00.000-08:00

There was a panel at the law school recognizing the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Among the panelists were the CEO/Director of Planned Parenthood Utah and a family law professor. Everything from the morality of abortion to the current statistical state of abortion in the U.S. was discussed. What was not discussed was the actual case itself.

This drives me crazy. Almost everyone has strong feelings about abortion. For some people those feelings are strong ones of opposition, for others of support, and for others strong feelings of conflict and contradiction. I don't think most people can talk about terminating the unborn and the right of a woman to make decisions about her own body without feeling or thinking something.

But there is a huge difference between supporting or opposing abortion and supporting or opposing Roe v. Wade. I am weary of hearing conservatives talk about "overturning" Roe without a single nod to exactly how that would be done. And what would happen to all the legislation that has been created in reliance on Roe (including legislative limitations on abortion). But the political right aren't the only ones guilty. I'm tired of hearing the left talk about "defending Roe" without acknowledging the expansiveness of the decision or the substantive due process problems the case has created outside of the world of abortion. When advocates, from both sides of the political aisle, speak about Roe, I wonder how many of them have actually read the decision. I know they support the outcome of the case (freedom of choice for women), but if the really read it would they support all the legal implications of the case? And all of the logic? And how many times when people say "I support/oppose Roe," do they actually mean "I support/oppose abortion?"

Because the two are not the same.

I wasn't the only student who left yesterday's panel disappointed. So any of you who want to chime in with awesome insights into the legal correctness of the decision, rather than it's moral correctness, you would be filling a gap in my understanding yesterday's event didn't do much to fill.

Starting fresh ...

2012-01-19T22:58:00.000-08:00

It's 2012 and good things are coming.

But I'm too tired to get into all that tonight so here are some other things that are coming -- sloths.

All done and Adoption ...

2012-01-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why, but I've been reading everything I can lately about adoption. There's just something about it that has resonated with me. I've read articles, signed the petition for Glee to stop representing adoption so horribly, and checked out the LDS Family Services site more than I should probably admit. Some of it started when these amazing friends put up their profile. But much of it started long before and the interest hasn't faded. Awhile ago, I found this blog and this blog through a mutual acquaintance. I found them through one of those "help us adopt" banners on another friend's blog. I remember really loving them and wishing I could do more than offer up a silent prayer that they'd be blessed with a baby soon. I stopped reading for awhile, got busy, and awhile ago decided to click over again.

It was awesome to see that they'd been blessed with a beautiful baby girl and I cried when I read their adoption story. The joy practically jumps off the page. Something drew me over there again today, and then I found this. It's a blog written by their little girl's birthmother. I read it all in one sitting, soaking it up. There was a discussion on a feminism blog I follow the other day about adoption and birthmother, birthfather, and adoptive parent rights. It's tricky to come up with policies and laws that adequately deal with such highly emotional and important issues. Many who commented were either birthparents or adoptive parents and they were almost unanimous in this one thing: It's complicated. So it was amazing for me, as an outsider to the process, to see the other side. I've rejoiced with several friends and family members who have adopted. But seeing it from her side made me appreciate how amazing adoption is even more.

When Dave and I first started talking about marriage, the possibility of adoption would often come up when we talked about our plans for children. It's something both of us feel strangely drawn to, even though we have no reason to think that that will be a necessary route for us to build our family. Who knows ... there's still a lot that remains to be seen in that area. For now, I don't anticipate adopting an infant, at least one from the U.S. There are too many amazing couples for whom that is the only way they can have a child for me to feel right about going that route if we have other options. But I can absolutely see us taking in a child of any age for a short time while their own family gets back on their feet through foster care, or maybe adopting an older child that needs a home. We will see. In the meantime, I'm hoping it's not too weird that I still love reading adoption profiles or adoption success stories.

Well, that's the end of the alphabet posting challenge. It only took me 8 months to complete, right?

Briefly now ...

2012-01-01T18:36:00.002-08:00

it amazes me that we call 25-page documents in the law "briefs." They are much longer if you include the appendices.

Common courtesy ...

2012-01-01T18:36:00.001-08:00

... includes taking your crying child completely out of a movie theatre. I'm still bitter. That is all.

Danger and Dave ...

2012-01-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

Danger! Danger!

So a couple cool experiences I will share with you in blogland:

#1 It's the last day of finals. I have one 6-hour examination and the final paragraphs of a 25-page paper between me and freedom. (And by freedom, I mean the opportunity to take two weeks not in classes and write another 30-page paper and work part-time, but whatever. At least there were Christmas carols and ham.) I'm staying at my parents house because it's closer to campus and less than distracting than my apartment. I get up to leave and begin shutting down my computer. Clear as a bell, the thought enters my head "E-mail your work to yourself." I'm not really in the mood to argue and it won't take me very long so I do and rush off. Fast forward many hours and my exhausted self sits down at 8 p.m. to finish the paper which is due no later than 9:59 p.m. I turn on my computer. The folder I keep my paper in is completely missing. I go through Word's "recently used" function and click on my paper. The words "This file does not exist" flash across the screen in one of those dialogue boxes with red letters. I start to panic. The same happens for all of my drafts. The Recycle Bin is empty. It's as if this paper, in any form, had never even existed. Then I remember, I'd e-mailed it to myself! I opened the e-mail and began typing furiously. I was so grateful I listened. There's a possibility I could have recovered the paper, but I needed every second remaining to finish on time. Doubters out there may think I just followed through on common sense. Everyone knows you should back things up. But I am standing by my interpretation that it was a sign from God that my law degree is important to him, too.

#2 As mentioned below, I've been doing quite a bit of religious reexamination lately. I like attending meetings with Dave, but going to Relief Society by myself has felt more like a chore than anything. I grudgingly got out of bed today and made my way in, the whole time having an internal dialogue with God that I hope he makes it worth my while this time. As I went to sit down I again had a clear thought, "You should scoot over." So I did. Not two minutes later the baby in front of me started to hiccup. And then in a giant burst, projectile vomited all over the seat I had just been sitting in. Seriously. I would have had to shower and three times over to clean up had I been nailed by that kid. And I probably wouldn't have come back for the rest of the meetings. I couldn't help but laugh. It was as if God was saying, "I want you here badly enough to save you from baby puke." So I stayed. And it turned out we got to spend Sacrament meeting singing our favorite hymns. You could just go up and pick one and then everyone would sing it. I seriously can't think of a church meeting I've liked better. God still hasn't resolved my deep doctrinal questions related to patriarchy ... but he at least gave me some musical relief and saved me from getting slimed.

Dave -- More sleeptalking

#3 Dave wakes up with a start the other night. "Oh no," he mutters. "Oh no!!"

He keeps repeating this over and over and then sits up in the dark, turns around, and looks out the blinds. I'm laughing.

"What on earth are you looking for?"

"Spots," he said. "I think we've got spots!"

He jumps out of bed and yells to me, "Shield your eyes!"

I pretend to do so and he flips on the light. He's panicked and looking everywhere. He surveys the room, sighs with relief, and turns off the light.

"What spots?" I say as he climbs into bed.

"Oh. You know. Blood. Paint. But we don't have any so it's OK."

And he promptly falls back asleep.

Electric eels...

2012-01-01T18:11:00.000-08:00

I am determined to finally finish up the alphabet posting I committed to and this was the only thing that I could think of for "E."

These guys totally freaked me out when I was a kid:

Just one more reason to avoid Disney when I have my own kids, right?

Faith ...

2012-01-01T17:28:00.000-08:00

I've been absent from this blog for a long time. There are reasons/lame excuses for that, including school, moving, etc. But mostly, I just haven't felt, well, inspired. I had nothing novel or new to say. Or even anything remotely interesting. I needed a forum that could talk back, and a blog is not necessarily the best forum for that.

Inspired is a funny word. It's a word I've always associated with religion and with revelation. Recently I've seen it being thrown about as a word to describe the color of paint in a living room, or the way that a chef used the mint in a particular dish. It's also something I've really been missing.

I was in a pretty hard place this time a couple of years ago. You can read a really vague and kind of depressing reference to it here if you want. It was the kind of experience that I think for most people would result in a "crisis of faith." Somehow my convictions got through it pretty unscathed and I came out of it pretty proud of how well I'd handled things spiritually. Things improved and we all went on our merry way. And then the crisis of faith came back and hit me full force -- almost like a delayed reaction. The questions about my childhood faith in no way relate to the events of two years ago ... they center on completely different topics and issues than what I battled through. But somehow I can't disconnect the two. It's like what happened woke me up and forced me out of my secure world. A harsh reminder that the "fairy tale" version of the gospel isn't the real version and that a testimony and a desire to remain active, like anything worth having, was going to take some real, hard work for the first time in a long time. There was a lot of good that came out of those trials -- not the least of which was a fresh pair of eyes and perspective. And since the Church is such a big part of my life, it got a fresh new look as well.

That was just the beginning. Then came a life-changing feminist legal theory class, the finding of an amazing community of non-conventional LDS women, and more academic and scholarly reading than I care to show here. My childhood faith was no longer enough for me, nor was my missionary zeal. I'm no longer a child and I'm no longer a missionary. It is time for me to find a new way of viewing and thinking about my faith that meets the needs of my new phase in life. It may take a lifetime, maybe only a couple years. If the latter, I have no doubt the "faith of my late 20s" will be insufficient for the life I will have in my mid-30s and I will shortly find myself revisiting this process all over again. It was a good and peaceful realization for me that it's OK if my faith changes since my life has, too.

I've felt lost and in transition at times. But I've also had some wonderful experiences. All through it, though, the thing I craved the most was inspiration. That feeling of light and truth that comes directly into your soul. I missed it desperately when I first began this journey. I just couldn't seem to find answers anywhere. Everything just seemed to lead to more questions. It's one of the reasons I had no desire to write. I didn't want to list a bunch of unanswerable questions. Slowly, the inspiration has returned. And with it, lots and lots of hope. None of my doctrinal questions have been concretely answered. But feelings of inspiration have been present nonetheless. Some questions have gone unanswered, but I have received little insights in how to deal with all the inconsistency I see and ways to cope on a daily basis. Following through on those little promptings have been life-savers and I've found myself less and less frustrated or angry. I'm not sure what's coming, but based on the last couple of weeks I'm liking what I'm seeing. It's exhilarating, actually. I always wondered what it would be like to come into and accept the Church as a convert. I think this is the closest chance I'm going to get and I'm eating it up. Though it doesn't mean I don't still have a right to mourn the security and certainty that has been lost as my view has been expanded. I don't regret losing the narrow-mindedness--but can we all be OK with fact it sure made things simpler?

On a lighter note, "inspiration" has had some pretty practical impacts on my life recently. More on that in the forthcoming "D" post.

Graduation

2012-01-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

... is now only 16 weeks away.

It's insane.

People keep asking me if I'm excited to "be done." In all honesty, "done" feels much longer than 16 weeks away. Following graduation, there will be months of bar prep, one very long exam, and possibly a year (or even two if I get lucky) of clerking before I am "done" and actually a practicing attorney. So it may well be 2014 before I take my first real client. But the fact the formal, sit-in-class, write papers, and edit millions of inane footnotes for one lousy law review credit is almost over is thrilling, however.

Hoffman ...

2012-01-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

I have this secret thing for Dustin Hoffman. Don't mock me. I know he's old. And my "thing" for him is more of a fangirl crush than a "if I'd only I'd met him before Dave came along" kind of thing.

A couple of my favorite Hoffman movies to check out sometime:

"Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" -- looks like a creepy kids movie but is actually a really beautiful film

"Stranger than Fiction"

"Runaway Jury"

Incomprehensible ...

2011-08-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

"People do a poor job of predicting their preferences in

situations they have never experienced."

Rebecca Dresser, Precommitment: A Misguided Strategy for

Securing Death with Dignity, 81 Tex. L. Rev. 1823 (2003).

(Finding that a line about medical directives -- living wills -- can be basically be applied to the human experience as a whole.)

J.D. ...

2011-08-22T19:18:00.001-07:00

just one more year.

Interviewing for a post-graduation job was a pretty good way to celebrate the first official day of the last year of classes. Cross your fingers for me. I won't hear until Oct. 15th at the earliest whether I'm employed or not.

Even though we are on Day 1, I've already pulled a 4 a.m. study night thanks to law review training. I have no doubt this year will keep me as sleep deprived as the rest. But coming back to campus made me realize how much I love the people I'm surrounded by every day and how much I will miss them when this crazy adventure is over. I can't think of a group of people I would have rather done this with.

Kindle killed the radio star ...

2011-08-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

... and Borders Bookstore.

We passed Borders on the way home from a wedding today. EVERYTHING MUST GO!! the sign read. And there were big numbers like 25, 40, and 50 in red with percent signs followed by the word "off."

So of course we stopped. And then I walked out without a single book. Because even cut in half a hardcover book is still more expensive than downloading the Kindle version.

Let the convicts go?

2011-08-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

Prison reform was already on my mind, but then last week I toured the Utah State Prison. Something needs to happen. And not just of the sake of the convicts.

States who have increased incarceration efforts have actually seen increases in crime rates, not decreases. We cannot continue to keep dumping people who are demonstrating anti-social behavior into such a toxic environment and then expect they will come out "cured." The recidivism rate is staggeringly high. We know what's happening and yet we continue to throw people in, knowing full well they will be more dangerous and more likely to harm more victims upon release.

Perhaps even worse are people who really shouldn't be there in the first place. Since state run mental health institutions were largely shut down (and for good reason) in the 1970s, the U.S. prison system has become the #1 provider for the mentally ill. This is unconscionable. Can you think of a worse place to treat mental illness than prison? Or what about low-level drug addicts?These people need treatment, intervention, and a job. They do not need to be locked away from society for a year or two where they are learning from the lowest and most crime-prone we have to offer at ridiculously high costs to taxpayers. We could be getting these people multiple college degrees for the price we are paying to have them "educated" by thieves, rapists, and dealers. It's a waste of both financial and human resources.

Please don't misunderstand me. There is a place and a need for incarceration. I'm working on two cases right now where it is clear there is just no other solution to keeping the community safe from continued attacks by these people. Serial rapists can't be rehabilitated. Anyone who rapes and beats a 72-year-old woman to death with no remorse and then blames her for the attack deserves life in prison or worse. And how else do you keep white collar criminals from defrauding innocent victims except by locking them away? But the system is broken and when we are locking away people who by and large have committed non-violent crimes and constitute no threat to society except perhaps general stupidity, there has got to be another way.

So here's my list of prison reform reads and listens: In Defense of Flogging. This NPR report about the book by Peter Mosko has many interesting points. It defends corporal punishment as an alternative to incarceration for non-violent crimes. Not necessarily my version of reform, but creative and designed to at least move the discussion forward. Next, The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander. The former Supreme Court law clerk, ACLU attorney, and now prison reform activist exposes the systematic incarceration of black men. Her main point? Blacks will never have equal voting power in our democracy when so many of them are being unfairly slapped with "felony" status eliminating their right to vote. And the move from the KKK intimidation to poll taxes or literacy tests to keep the black vote out to targeting black men for felonies was purposeful. I'm skeptical of any conspiracy theory. But her numbers are hard to discount. If you don't want to read the book, but are curious/skeptical of what she has to say, a short summary she wrote is here and one of the most interesting NPR reports I've listened to is here. And finally, this piece by Pat Nolan and Newt Gingrich. See? I'm all over the political spectrum today. From ACLU to Gingrich. But I guess that's the point. Prison reform isn't a political issue. It's a safety issue and a humanity issue. Everyone from all parties agrees the system is broken and people from all parties largely agree on how things could be improved. The problem is getting this into the forefront. The people making the decisions (voters like us) aren't in prison so it's not really impacting us. And most of us know so little about how the system works we are afraid that tweaking it will mean more hardened criminals on the streets, not less. Not so, says Gingrich. And finally, this New York Times piece by one of my professors about changing the way we approach parole.

Thoughts?

Memories ...

2011-08-02T19:36:00.000-07:00

I was greeted yesterday by a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the counter. "Happy Anniversary Week!" the card said. "With love," from my husband. He even remembered that lilies were in my bridal bouquet.

Then today he greeted me at the door with chocolate dipped strawberries. "It's the second day of anniversary week!" he said excitedly.

It definitely has been a week full of wedding reminiscing. Two years later we can finally afford the wedding album we originally passed on. We've spent more than a couple hours trying to narrow down the bzillion shots our photgrapher took down to 36 (and let's be honest, my organizational skills are not the best so we spent at least half that time looking for where I put the darn CDs). I know it's silly, but I am SO excited! I realize this is an entirely vain, useless, expensive purchase. But we're solid now. We were giddy then and oh-so-in-love, very much like today only without quite so much giddiness perhaps. But now I also know we're going to last. And so the pictures are more than the pretty dress or the fancy hair, the slick tux, or the posed positions. It's about the fact that that day means I get today, and tomorrow, and the day after that with the man I love. And now I have the pictures to prove it.

Even better, one of my dearest and closest friends is sealing the deal this weekend, so there has been much wedding talk of a more current nature as well. We have a beautiful dinner to look forward to on Friday, and a sealing and reception on Saturday. I'm taking a little extra pride in this match since I was the one who set them up. What better way to spend your anniversary than celebrating the marriage of friends?

And though I'm always skittish to put up pictures online ... I figured a wedding picture or two isn't going to give too much away. Especially if I chop most of our heads off, right?

Happy Anniversary to us ... and to the other bjillion student-brides and grooms who got married in August to accommodate the start of a new semester. Ah, August. Bringing the world's two greatest pursuits together into one month -- love and higher education.

New and improved ...

2011-07-31T22:06:00.000-07:00

The post also titled as "How You Know You're Getting Old":

My princess post got me thinking about what the heck I kept myself busy with as a little girl before the princess phenomenon took over.

There was this Fisher-Price kitchen set that was AMAZING! The play kitchen sets I've seen at friend's houses and they just don't compare. The plastic is thinner, you can only play on one side because it has to go up against a wall, and they are, of course, usually in some super girly princessy pink or purple color instead of the gender-neutral colors that meant my brother could play too without getting made fun of. They also usually have "Barbie" or "Disney" or "Dora" stamped somewhere on them. Whenever anyone little comes to my parent's house and heads down to the playroom, my mom always makes the comment that's the one thing she regrets getting rid of. Their basement is mostly outfitted for teenage and young adult enjoyment now (read: media and gaming central), but she kept a few of the toy classics for when family with youngsters visit. "What will the grandkids play with?" she asks. "The new sets just aren't as cool." Well, there aren't any grandchildren in sight for now, so she's safe there. But I still got on eBay to see if anyone still has or is selling the brilliant set I had as a kid.

Yup ... don't worry ... it's listed as "vintage."

Maybe the WaterBaby doll I played with will start showing up in museums soon.

Oxymoron...

2011-07-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

I don't actually have a post for this letter of the alphabet. I just really like the word.

So maybe we can turn this into a "Create Your Own Adventure" post.

Do you have any favorite oxymorons?

Passing on the Princesses ...

2011-07-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

I have nothing against pink.

When I was seven, pink and purple were my favorite colors. I'm sure it violated every piece of fashion advice ever written, but I especially loved to wear them together.

So where do authors like Peggy Orenstein get off telling us this recent wave of pretty, pink, and princesses are some newfangled trend or, even more controversial, dangerous? Little girls have always loved pink, right? Perhaps. But not to the tune of the $4 billion Disney is raking in every year off the brand. That's right -- BILLION. Pink is no longer a girl's favorite color because it's a girl's favorite color ... it's the only color anything girl related comes in. I know. I tried. My friend recently had a baby and I thought big sister might like a gift, too. Finding anything non-princess, non-pink, and even remotely related to imaginative or constructive rather than scripted or "brand-centered" play was impossible. In fact, the Disney brand was on EVERYTHING. I finally had to go the "crafts" section to pull some paint and sidewalk chalk from the back of the shelf. How could a little girl walk though an aisle and think she was anything but abnormal if she wasn't interested in pink, glittery, Disneyfied princesses. In a day and age when doors should only be expanding for our daughters, the mighty world of Disney has come in with one of the most successful campaigns in marketing history and chosen for them. Think I'm overreacting?

A couple years ago I came across this fabulou sly funny Sarah Haskins video. And then I came across another one you can watch here. My interest was piqued. I was only four at the time, but I still remember the day when I FINALLY got to go see Little Mermaid. For years afterward my friends and I would pretend our legs were mermaid tails and splash around swimming pools with crossed ankles. And what girl who lived through the '90s hasn't splashed up the slanted back of her bathtub singing "Part of Your World"? I was no stranger or even enemy of the Disney princess. But it seemed even more intense. My friend's little girls had princess nightgowns, backpacks, headbands, coloring books, shoes, sleeping bags, and TVs. I just didn't remember any of that stuff existing when I was four.

Turns out it didn't. My Google search yielded, among others, this article and this blog. Basically, the princess "brand" didn't even exist until 2000. Before that there were a few individual items specific to each character, but the princesses had never been "grouped" together before. Disney threw them all together, came up with a consistent color scheme -- Pantone pink No. 241 was the pink of choice -- and with the motto of "What would a princess want?" began marketing everything from alarm clocks to silverware with the royal images. And the world of little girls changed overnight.

One mother, whose blog I linked above, tolerated it all until she noticed changes in her daughter's play. Her normally active, boisterous little girl was now walking around saying "Princesses don't run or jump" and sighing helplessly explaining that "Princesses have to wait for their prince." So she did something I think most mothers with four-year-old girls (especially one whose most favorite princess is Cinderella) would be terrified to do. She threw it all out. She replaced the Cinderella Disney-made gown with a generic dress from Toys R Us. She got rid of the Patone pink No. 241 and replaced it with fairy tales and science kits and dress up. There were tantrums. At first, her choice made her as popular as an evil stepmother. But after just a little while into "Disney Princess Recovery" she noticed positive and lasting changes in her daughter. She was calmer, less concerned about what she looked like, more concerned with having fun and experiencing things. She still loves Cinderella, and pretending to be Cinderella, but the way she plays Cinderella has completely changed and is much more child-appropriate.

These mothers aren't anti-materialism hippies. They've resorted to bribes just like any other parent: "A princess eats all her vegetables." "Princesses use the big girl potty, too!" "Princess bedtime is at 8 o'clock." Their call is not for a complete ban on all things magical or make believe, but to do what for your child what she can't do for herself -- be smarter than the marketing.

Because the danger is real. When a company that has the hearts and wallets of little girls buying into this image:

partners up with the folks trying to get your pre-teen and teenage girls to buy into this:

(the description for this item reads: "From the shadows of the grotto, the lovely Ariel looks like a femme fishtale with a sultry secret. Ask her nicely and she just might sing it to you.")

or this:

there's a problem. These companies are literally cooperating to make the transition from one to the other seamless. And girls (or more accurately, their parents) are buying right into the trap. The Disney princess brand might appear safe, naieve, and a way to keep girls sheltered from ending up like slutty celebreties like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, or Miley Cyrus (ironic they all got their start at Disney, isn't it?). But the constant reinforcement that a girl should always be dressed up, pretty, and in wait of a prince is the last thing a girl growing up in the age of Internet porn needs to hear. Is it any wonder that articles like "How To Talk To Little Girls" are so needed? (And if you follow only one link in this post, please, please, let this be it. Please ... I'll even wait for you to click on it ... GO!)

I would love to tell my friend about the "Disney-free" experiment. Or tell her how uncomfortable it is her daughter is so well versed about the adult relationships around her. Or express dismay over the fact she talked dad into getting her daughter a "princess makeover" on their trip to Disneyland last year (have you SEEN these things?!! They are putting MASCARA on FOUR YEAR OLDS!!). But I have a feeling it will turn out a lot like this.

Because here's the deal. The people who are already on board with me on this don't need to hear it. And the people who need to hear it will tell me I'm crazy. That I'm taking this and myself way too seriously. "Just wait until you have a daughter and her favorite princess is Sleeping Beauty. Are you really going to tell her no?" And most of all, they will be convinced their daughter does not have a problem. That tantrums over princess related behavior is normal. That it's fine for every single item they get for their birthday or Christmas to be princess related. That their vain and scripted behavior is cute, not stifling their development of compassion and adventure. That it's just a phase.

But as for me and my house ... when Baby #1 finally makes their appearance around here, and should we be blessed enough to have a girl, please pass along all the pink, purple, and the feminine you would like. But we'll be passing on the princesses. At least any of the Disney variety.

(Ready, set, comment ...)

Perspective ...

2011-07-25T22:06:00.000-07:00

For the last month I have been a bit of a mess. A relatively happy mess, but still a mess.

Want proof? A friend sent me a three-line e-mail. I responded with a page of single spaced rambling that revealed I am, in fact, a crazy person. Dave expressed disappointment when I showed up very late for a date he'd been planning for a month because I worked late instead and the guilt reduced me to tears. For two days I subsisted entirely on chocolate chip cookies.

I reviewed that rambly e-mail, and though I feel quite badly it ended up in a friend's inbox who didn't deserve the outburst, reviewing it gave me some perspective. After sifting the truth out of the hysteria, here is what I discovered:

I have not taken a weekend in more than 11 months. I have worked 6 and 7 day weeks for almost a year. Sure, I've traveled two or three times, but my laptop was right there with me. The fact the Grand Canyon does not have wireless should neither be a surprise nor stress inducing, and yet ... I studied/competed right through Fall Break, Christmas Break (including Christmas Eve and possibly Christmas Day), and Spring Break.

The work paid off. I'm in a much more competitive position than I was 11 months ago.

This will allow me to continue to work 6-7 days a week. The better I do, the more prestigious my job prospects. The more prestigious my job prospects, the more hours I'll be "allowed" to put into the legal profession.

This craziness MUST be stopped.

So do you know what I did? I killed myself for five days, got all of my work finished before Friday at 7 p.m. And I took a weekend.

I went to a movie. I hosted a bridal shower. I did some laundry. I canned apricot jam with my mom. I went to church. And I read a book that had nothing to do with the Constitution. It was wonderful.

Two years ago, before law school, if you asked me what I liked to do, I would have told you I was a writer. I would have told you that I liked to sing, and that I loved reading the news and talking to people about interesting things. I defined myself by my faith, my relationships, my talents, and my passions. Now I define myself by the number of hours I work, the number of briefs I've written, and the cases I'm working on. When someone asks me to define myself the only thing I can think of is "law student." It's consumed me.

So this law-school-free weekend was good. I reconnected a little. With my husband, my family, myself. I'm still not sure what I want to do after law school. The clerkships, the firm jobs, they still hold some appeal. But their enticement isn't nearly as sweet after savoring so many of the other fulfilling options life has to offer over the past couple of days.

I liked this post by a classmate. I'm not exactly sure how I got here -- obsessed with the law, working insane hours and pulling all nighters in the middle of summer for no apparent reason except to meet the demands of employers and because finding the answers to questions no one else has answered is like a high. But I sure as hell am going to find my way out.

It's hard to compete with clean laundry and homemade apricot jam.

And .. whoosh!

2011-06-09T12:44:00.001-07:00

So I know we've been on "pause" for a ridiculously long time now. Who knew it would be so tough to find a few free minutes to write about my distrust of the Disney princess brand and some thoughts on feminism?

But in the meantime, want to hear a story? My bridesmaid outfit went out the window ... literally.

I'm flying out for the wedding today. My mother-in-law made me a beautiful jacket to match the ones the other bridesmaids are wearing. We all used the same pattern, fabric, etc. in an effort to reduce the stress of people shopping for people they've never met across country and maximize the possibility of matching. Anyway, last night I got home and went to get the jacket out of the car. The hanger was right where I'd hung it. The jacket was not. The explanation? We think at some point the window was rolled down and it went flying out.

There were many tears, a lot of phone calls, and a very understanding bride and patient mother-in-law.

Somewhere in Utah a beautiful jacket in the color of "marine" is blowing around in the wind. Maybe another bridal party can put it to use?

Perilous ...

2011-06-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it to the Grand Canyon and back and even survived a hike of Angel's Landing along the way! It was a bit steep and, well, narrow, but all three of us that hiked it felt very hardcore afterward.

Now that I'm back I'll be shortly resuming the alphabet posting game (you're getting excited for my anti-princess post aren't you?), though probably not every day. Clerkship applications are due this week and so life is once again consumed with school.

And the winner of the $20 gift certificate for pledging not to use the word "retard" as part of the "Spread the Word to End the Word" campaign goes to ... Natalie! I used the random number generator and #2 was the result. Yay for good causes and friends!

Spread the Word ...

2011-05-24T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well since we're already on "pause" shall we take time for a public service announcement?

Check out this link and video:
http://www.r-word.org/r-word-not-acceptable-psa.aspx?tr=y&auid=8390385

I'm a big fan of Glee's Lauren Potter. Self-advocates rock! She's joined forces with Jane Lynch to help with the "Spread the Word to End the Word" campaign. I've posted about it here and here before.

You can take the pledge to strike it from your vocabulary, spread the word on your own blog, and then encourage others to do the same. It's easier than you think ... trust me, I know. I was terrified to approach a couple friends about their use word "retard" was making me really uncomfortable. But I knew they were good people ... I figured once they knew what they were really saying they wouldn't want to use a word that was hurtful or cruel. And I was right. The brief conversations about the word were anything but awkward and they both thanked me later saying they hadn't realized how casual they'd become with it. Don't know how to get the conversation started with those around you? There are videos with ideas on how to get the ball rolling here.

Words hurt. And they can perpetuate harmful attitudes about value, ability, and diversity. Let's make life a little less painful, huh? So go on, Spread the Word! You'll be my hero if you do. And Lauren's.

(Read the pledge and think you can do it? Inspired enough to post a link on your own blog? Comment here to let me know and I'll enter you in a drawing for a $20 gift certificate to a place of your choice. Bribery? Nah. Motivation? Possibly, right?)

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Pause...

2011-05-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

So I know it's time for my "P" entry and, believe me, do I have a doozy of a post for you.

Be prepared to take on the Disney empire, princesses, and the commercial exploitation of children.

But not for another week. See, my work schedule is crazy for the next few days and then Dave and I are headed off to the Grand Canyon through Memorial Day. So I'm going to press "pause" on this alphabet thing and leave you with a link to get you through till I'm back:

http://www.yearofdiets.com/

This is Dave's uncle Alan's blog. The premise? He's going to lose those really stubborn "last 10 pounds" over and over again trying different diets along the way. And while he's doing it he's noticing some quirky things about our relationship with food. Take a look and I'll be back next week!

Quirky ...

2011-05-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

Some of my favorite quirks:

The way my little brother always asks, "How's your weekend going?" even if it's the middle of the week.
The way other little brother sticks in tongue in his cheek when he's trying not to smile or show how proud he is of something that just happened (for example, when he swishes a shot in basketball).
The way my husband's fingers get "claustrophobic" when I hold his hand a certain way.
How one of my best friends stutters and kind of dances around when she gets nervous.
One of my professors has never taught a day with his shirt properly tucked in or buttoned. He's either missed a button hole or it's half falling over his pants.
The way my mom answers the phone.

Any favorite quirks of yours?

Returned Missionary ...

2011-05-20T19:29:00.001-07:00

First, I love NPR.

Second, I love the content of Fresh Air but I wish the host was more like Diane Rehm or Doug Fabrizio.

Anyway, the other day the creators of South Park were on the show talking about their new musical "The Book of Mormon" and the 14 Tony nominations that it's received.

It was fascinating and I laughed through the whole program. There is no doubt the pair are talented and funny comedians.

What really got my attention, though, was their fascination with missionaries. There was a lot of talk about Mormon doctrine -- whatever, I really could care less about that. Just about every Mormon I know has a different interpretation of LDS doctrine so some variation among a couple of writers wasn't anything to really interest me. There was also a lot of talk about musicals and the way they kept telling their writers and composers to "Make it more Disney! More Rodgers and Hammerstein! More Mormon! Really cheeze it up!" and when the writers or composers would say, "Well which one do you want?" they would smile knowingly and say, "It's all just different words for the same thing." That was funny, but not all that interesting because I already knew that -- Mormon culture is cheezy, it's pageant-like (heck, the Church itself pays for and produces several pageants every summer), and it's definitely Disney-like ... we are all about princesses and happily ever afters. And all in all, they sincerely meant it as a compliment. The world could use a little more optimism they said, but it would be a comedic shame not to capitalize on all the possibilities for mockery there.

But the missionary thing ... their thoughts piqued my interest. This idea that 18-year-olds from sheltered, predominantly white Salt Lake City, Utah would have anything to offer starving Africans was ridiculous to them. And they're right ... it is a little absurd. But is it really that much more absurd than 18-year-olds from predominantly white Denver or Pittsburgh thinking they will single-handedly changing the world joining the Peace Corps? Or going with a local Baptist church to build churches in Mexico? Or heck, a 25-year-old from Utah County thinking she'll make a difference by working on women's rights legal work in Samoa for six weeks? What's wrong with wanting to change the world even if your efforts don't quite live up to expectations? I think it takes a pretty serious cynic to think it would be better for all those 18-year-olds to just sit back in Utah and decide not to do anything with the knowledge they think they have. And was the culture shock the two are sure that every missionary experiences ... do they really think it's because Mormon kids have never lived outside of LDS-land before? From the way they describe the musical and the situations the pair of missionaries find themselves in, it sounds like ANY white kid from suburbia ... whether Salt Lake, Seattle, or San Antonio, would find themselves just as shell shocked by virtue of the fact they are middle class and American. Uganda isn't different from Utah because the majority religion isn't LDS, it's different because it's Uganda. I really enjoyed the interview but I was so perplexed why they thought putting two Mormon kids in a foreign country was funny simply because the kids were Mormon -- as if it was the religious difference that created all the dramatic conflict. As if it wouldn't have been equally strange or incongruous to drop two white, middle class Protestant kids in the middle of Africa? I get that the story might be funny ... I just didn't understand their reasoning for why it was funny.

The pair explained there are two great premises of their play that everyone can relate to. First, missions are a great "coming of age" story ... one of the main reasons they chose the Mormon missions as the backdrop for their story. What's better than watching two young people out in the world away from their parents on their own for the first time find their way? It's classic Broadway. And second, missions provide a great backdrop for the classic "fish out of water" storyline. Two kids from suburban America coming face to face for the first time with disease, and hunger, and war in a culture very foreign to them.

I agreed with them completely on those two points. I grew up a lot on my mission. I didn't go to Uganda. I didn't even leave the country. But I still had my eyes opened in ways I didn't expect. Who knew that there were places in the U.S. with literacy rates as low as other third world countries or where poverty could exist just miles from a thriving American city? What I didn't agree with was their conclusions: Missions are a waste of time for the missionary, the Church, and the communities they are sent to.

They expressed to the host of the show what a shame it was that these young naive missionaries get so excited and then show up in another country and realize that everything they thought was wrong and their preaching is pointless and they go home either deflated, disillusioned, or even more pious than when they left and nothing has been gained by anyone. They made it sound like coming face to face with things like hunger, disease, or war were bad things and that the Mormon kids would have been better off just staying home. For all their gentle ribbing of Mormon naivety at the beginning of the interview and the "Utah bubble," they were oddly not on board with any young Mormon actually escaping the bubble for awhile. If Mormons are too sheltered, what would be better than throwing them into third world countries or making them learn foreign languages or interact with others from a different culture? Why wouldn't sending our young men and women out to see things be good? Not just for the Church, but for them as individuals? And so what if they don't change the world or convert anyone while they're there? If religion is the sham they say it is, they should be grateful no converting occurred, but at least recognize that all the service they did along the way was at least worthwhile.

I have no issue with the two writers thinking that all religions are just interesting cultural studies in human delusion or fascination with a non-existent power. I'm woman enough to admit my beliefs are totally based on a spiritual belief and not in any kind of scientific logic. However, people aren't going to give up believing in God just because the creators of South Park told them to, so as long as they are hanging onto their "delusions" why not do some good with it along the way? I think they'd be hard pressed to find any other religion with a portion of their American believers who know as many languages and have an appreciation for as many cultures as the Mormons.

I really liked this response printed in the Washington Post:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-faith/post/why-i-wont-be-seeing-the-book-of-mormon-musical/2011/04/14/AFiEn1fD_blog.htmll.

I loved the part about them becoming ambassadors. The returned missionaries I know who served in other countries ADORE the places they served. They often have flags from the country hanging in their apartments. They still cook exotic foods to remind them of the two years they spent from home. They watch the news carefully for news about the places they served. Jon Huntsman, who is anything but an Orthodox Mormon, ended up returning to the culture he gained appreciation for on his mission as a real American ambassador. You might think the preaching is a waste of time, but can anyone really argue that sending young people, regardless of their faith, out into another culture for a couple of years is really useless? Well, apparently the South Park writers can. They made a whole musical out of it. Your thoughts?

(You can listen to the full interview HERE.)

Sadness and Smiles ...

2011-05-18T21:53:00.001-07:00

There's a lot of sadness going around lately it seems.

But there's also a lot of smiles.

I've always thought life was funny because of that. How for one person you know, their entire world is crumbling, and for another everything is bliss, but they are existing at the same time in the same place. For example, a couple weeks ago my coworker's mother died. She was devastated. But the same week a classmate was having a baby. For one family life was beginning, for another life was drawing to a close. All at the same time. Dave and I said goodbye to some good friends this week before they moved. It's crazy to me that this weekend they will wake up in an entirely new home but everyone else will wake up in the same place they always do and go about their day like nothing has happened even though everything will be different for them. Every day at work I read about horrible crimes that occurred, but then take breaks to check e-mails for updated wedding plans from friends. There are murders to solve and crimes to prosecute at the same time that bridal showers need to be thrown and cakes need to be ordered.

For me? Right now I feel pretty in the middle. No pregnancies or new jobs or new homes or new anything really special to celebrate or smile about. But nothing tragic is going on either. I feel a little like I'm stuck in neutral, but I don't mean "stuck" in a negative way. I'm just kind of idling along and I like it.

I feel bad I can't do more to relieve some of the sadness. Maybe that's what being in the middle of sadness and smiling is all about. The ability to do one or the other depending on what the others around you need you to do.

This post is getting rambly, so I'll stop, but I hope all of you get to smile today. And that if you are experiencing sadness that it is the deep kind that eventually turns to sweetness.

Turning Twenty-Six...

2011-05-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

(Otherwise entitled "Cars, Trucks, and Moving Vans")

My husband loves trucks. You may have gathered that from the way he speaks to me in his sleep. He is currently a driver manager for a trucking company. He oversees 92 semi-trucks and tracks them all across the country to make sure that things like onions, ketchup, and potatoes get to the store on time. He loves it. He doesn't drive the trucks ... just tracks them via GPS and computer ... but he wishes he did. One of his greatest dreams is for us to retire and go driving off into the sunset on an 18-wheeler together.

He's in logistics, the profession that moves the things all the other professions join together to make from point A and to point B. Right now that means he wears khakis and polo shirts to work and talks to semi-truck drivers all day. At some point it might mean wearing a suit and tie and coordinating million dollar shipments from one country in Asia to another country in Europe. At another it might mean putting on jeans and a t-shirt with a walkie-talkie strapped to his belt as he works in a refugee camp in Africa coordinating the shipment of goods and people with the Red Cross. As much as he loves his trucking dream, the Red Cross dream is probably is his favorite. And it's the conversation we had while dating about what we could do together in Africa/Europe/wherever with the Red Cross that started me down the path of falling in love with him.

When Dave was little, or so I'm told, his dad wanted to make a tape of him and his sister Genny talking to send back to his grandparents. They were living in New York City at the time -- a place full of magic for little kids. The conversation went something like this:

Dad: What's your favorite thing to do?

Genny: Color, play pretend, read stories. (I'm totally ad libbing for Genny here.)

Dave: I like cars, trucks, and moving vans.

Dad: What's your favorite part of New York?

Genny: The park.

Dave: I like to watch the cars, trucks, and moving vans.

Dad: How old are you?

Genny: Four.

Dave: I like cars, trucks, and moving vans.

Things haven't changed much in the last 26 years except that he's added trains to the list. Riding the train across the Wasatch Front to visit me was one of Dave's favorite parts of our courtship. When we pass an interesting truck on the freeway, Dave slows down to get a better look. He likes getting stuck behind railway crossings.

It was his birthday on Saturday. I couldn't get him a car, a train, a truck, or a moving van. But I can still hold out for Africa.

Happy Birthday, Dave!

Ummm...

2011-05-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

So I posted my "U" entry yesterday and now it's gone ... anyone else experience weird issues with Blogger and any suggestions on how to get it back?

Upstanding citizen ...

2011-05-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

One of the attorneys I work for has a cardboard cutout of a former division director in their office. It was made as a gag gift at a going away party and has remained in the office as a longstanding joke.

It looks like this ... only with another person's head pasted over the vice president's.

The office is getting painted today, so he needed a new home.Now he is standing just a few inches away from my elbow looking over my shoulder as I research.

As much as I like Vice President Biden's body (which sounds way kinkier than I mean it), I have to say it's kind of freaking me out a little to feel like I'm being watched.

Very Vegan ...

2011-05-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried to be vegan in the South? Or convince other people who have offered to cook for you to prepare a vegan menu? Don't. People tend to not invite you over as much.

Weddings and Wendover ...

2011-05-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of the royal kiss ...

This is a picture of the "Edwards" kiss ...

[can't get picture to upload right now ... we'll insert later ... sorry!]

Personally, I think we did a better job of sealing the deal. Though there were not quite as many people waiting to greet us outside of the temple doors than there were greeting William and Kate from the palace balcony.

Two weekends ago we went to Wendover. It was 6 p.m. on a Friday and I was just finishing up my last paper of the semester. Dave and I were frantic to get out. We didn't care where ... we just needed a vacation. Since we had to be back by 2 p.m. the next day we couldn't go far. We weighed our options and our budget. We had enough to stay in a really nice room and go out to eat in Wendover, or stay in a really small hotel room in Park City and go through the drive through. So we headed west on 1-80.

It was one of the most beautiful drives I've ever taken. It was sunset and the mountains were reflecting off of the salt flats which had been covered with rain. That drive is normally desolate and brown. This time it was full of color and a little bit of magic.

Then we got to our hotel room. I'm pretty sure it was designed by a stripper. It had an in-room jacuzzi. There were mirrors and neon lights EVERYWHERE!! I couldn't stop laughing. We enjoyed some casino food. Dessert was amazing (passion fruit mousse and triple chocolate lava cake), the pasta not so much. The next morning we got up early for the ATV ride we had scheduled. I was excited to do something outside. I hadn't seen the sun for months and my body hadn't done anything active since finals prep had begun. Our tour guide pulled up in his van and we crawled in.

The first stop was a trailer home. "This," we were told, "was where the railroad station used to be before it burned down." The next stop was the frontage road. "There," our guide said, pointing to a dump truck "is the machinery that works the pot ash mine." We figured he was being friendly, giving us the "scenic" tour of Wendover on our way to the ATVs, but we were getting impatient. We had spent the rest of our money on the excursion and the hour was starting to dwindle away as he went on about the pot ash mining process. Finally, we were on our way again. He pulled onto the freeway for about two minutes, exited off again and drove to the end of the pavement where a parks marker signaled the beginning of the salt flat racing track. That's when I knew we were in trouble. "Dave," I whispered. "I think this is the tour." His eyes got wide.

We got out and our guide read the sign to us. He offered to take a picture. We got back in and he started back to our hotel. A brochure in the van confirmed our suspicions. Dave told him here had been a mix-up ... somehow we'd been signed up for the "interpretive" Salt Flats tour instead of the ATV rides. The man apologized, but told us it was too late and there was nothing he could do. He offered to take us on the rest of the tour. We glumly agreed.

Have you ever been to Wendover?! There is nothing there! There's one street with maybe four hotels, a couple cheap fast food places and a golf course. So the rest of the "tour" was driving past our hotel, our guide pointing out "Pizza Hut on the right and the new town hall on the left" and then turning around at the golf course and dropping us off. Then he charged us $50. Turns out if we'd gone on the ATV ride it would have been $130. We were livid. Interpretive tour my foot. He just charged us $50 to take us to free BLM land and read off a sign. It was clearly not the employees fault though so we paid and left. Dave immediately called the management for a refund. The call did not go well and I'm still trying to figure out the best way to submit a complaint to the Nevada Better Business Bureau. So if you go to Wendover, skip the "interpretive tour." But be sure the get the passionfruit mousse and the room with the mirrors.

Who knew trashy could be so fun?

XOXOX

2011-05-08T10:21:00.001-07:00

Happy Mother's Day!

Yay You! (and me)

2011-05-07T20:09:00.003-07:00

When I graduated from high school, a friend bought me this book:

It's one of my favorites. The BEST Sandra Boynton book is "Hester in the Wild." Fairy Godmother rabbits who turn purple with rage, troublesome ground hogs, and a canoe ... adult-intelligent comedy disguised as a children's book doesn't get any better.

But I digress ...

I haven't graduated so I really shouldn't have too much reason to feel celebratory. But I do. In fact, I think I'm more relieved and happy this year is over than any other. Whenever I think of what's been accomplished there's a small chorus singing "yay!" in my head.

So here are a few things that also have me "yay"ing:

Spring ... for real this time. It snowed last Saturday but I'm convinced it's going to be warm from now on.

Research. One of my favorite professors just invited me to assist her with research that will combine my experience and love of journalism and access to public records and the law. (Double yay!)

A paycheck. For once I will be getting paid to do legal work rather than paying to be allowed to work. Who came up with the whole you-pay-us-to-let-you-do-our-work internship business model? Apparently other credit-hungry graduate students like me. Somehow it doesn't feel so wrong to pay someone to let you do work when you're getting credit.

Hospitals. I LOVED the doctor who did my most recent scope and the outpatient staff in his office. And now I have really cool pictures of my esophagus on my fridge.

Speaking of which ... Not having constant heartburn and finding an affordable solution for my acid reflux has been pretty exciting. My doctor handed me two prescriptions and told me to take whichever was cheaper ... $360 a month or $9 a month? It was a hard decision.

Bridesmaid dresses that fit like a glove and make you feel beautiful. The non-cupcake topper look is the way to go, gals. Classy choice, Kristen, classy choice. If the bridesmaid dresses are this stunning, I can't wait to see the bride!! I've never been part of another person's wedding party before so I was kind of nervous when the dress arrived. All fears have been put to rest.

What has you "yay"ing?

On the Zoo...

2011-05-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

When I was about 10 or 11 my mom bought a season pass to the zoo. It was mostly for my little brother Alex who was OBSESSED with animals. Each time he would get to pick a new animal from the gift shop to bring home with him and add to his collection. They were these small, rubber, pretty life-like-in-miniature figures. After awhile, he'd gotten all the "normal" animals like giraffes and lions so he started buying rare versions of anteaters and other less popular creatures. I'm pretty sure he still has the collection.

So I've been to the Zoo a LOT. But I have two memories that will always be my favorite:

Memory #1 -- Sam was a runner. My mother's biggest nightmare, and it was a recurring one, was that he would get lost in a crowd, any crowd, and we wouldn't be able to find him. Attempting a trip to Mount Rushmore was a feat of courage for my mother who was sure we would find dangling from a president's nose. He was also fixated on hippos. He had hippo toys, loved to sing songs about hippos, and any movie that he saw that included a hippo became his new instant favorite -- which meant we would watch it over, and over, and over again.

I also had the most amazing boyfriend at the time. I was 20, he was 24. He was trying to get in with my family's good graces, especially my parents who were not thrilled with the situation. They thought I was "too young to get married" and were convinced that any boyfriend over 21 was a marriage proposal waiting to happen. So it was nothing personal -- I don't think a set of parents could construct a more clean-cut, well-behaved boyfriend than the one I had -- but that didn't make their coldness any easier. In an attempt to win them over, we offered to take Sam to the zoo to see the hippo. They consented, and off we went.

All afternoon Sam begged to see the hippo. After stopping to look briefly at a few of the other exhibits on the way, we departed from our well-mapped out route and headed straight to the middle of the park for the hippo exhibit. We were greeted by locked doors and a sign that said, "Pardon our dust during renovation. Our hippo has moved to a new home in Albuquerque." Sam was crushed. We tried to cheer him up by visiting the penguins, but he wasn't interested. After a few more exhibits Ryan and I had all but forgotten about the hippo. When Sam started getting ornery and stubborn, I figured it was because he was hungry. I knew it was time for a hamburger when he yelled at me and sat down defiantly in the middle of the walkway, refusing to budge. We finally got some food into him and I tried playfully teasing him a little to make him smile. I looked over to find one large, single tear rolling down his cheek.

"Sam! What's wrong?!"

"Hippo," he said sadly.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry with him. I hugged him and reassured him. We let him enjoy his hamburger and fries, I bought him some ice cream, and we talked about the hippo. After a good cry and some treats, he seemed to be doing much better. We all agreed to set off toward the giraffes.

We'd only made it a few yards from the lunch area when I realized I left my glasses on the table. I asked Ryan to stay there with Sam, and I ran back to grab them. I was gone maybe 30 seconds and was within eye shot. My phone started buzzing. "Sam's running!" the text said. I turned around and couldn't see them.

Oh no! I thought. He's lost. The nightmare has happened. But he wasn't lost -- he was just fast. Ryan trailed him closely. But since he was still fairly unfamiliar to Sam, he didn't feel comfortable wrangling him and pinning him down till I got there. And Sam was also REALLY fast. So I told him not to let him out of his sight and I ran to catch up with them. I took off in the direction I'd seen them last. "Elephants," was the next message. I changed course toward the elephant exhibit. Halfway there came "Giraffes" followed quickly by "Monkeys." Every time they'd pass a new exhibit Ryan would text me. I could barely run I was laughing so hard. By the time I caught up to them by the gorillas, Ryan was tired and I was sweating. Sam was sitting contentedly in the shade on a bench. There were about six or seven one-word texts on my phone consisting only of animal names. I saved them for months.

Memory #2 -- My first legal job was for the Utah Crime Victims Clinic in Salt Lake. Most days I worked in the office or accompanied one of the attorneys downtown to a courthouse. One day when I walked in, I was invited to the zoo.

A client needed to sign some paperwork. She was at the zoo with her kids when we called her, and one of the other interns just happened to have a season pass to the zoo with his wife. So off and Andrew and I went, in business formal, me using his wife's pass to get in, to the zoo. The client spoke Spanish, so Andrew called to find out where we should meet up. It was a gorgeous day and I honestly don't think I would rather have been doing anything else than a job I loved as we walked under leafy green trees past the butterfly house and monkey exhibit. Andrew quickly realized how limited his Spanish was when she tried to explain her location. He started attempting to translate animal names into Spanish. "Giraffo?" Sigh. "Como se dice monkey?" No luck. Finally, he struck gold. "Elephantes?" Yes! I was ecstatic. The new baby elephant had just been born and I'd get a glimpse after all.

We found the client, got the papers signed, and decided to take a closer look at the baby elephant before heading back to the car. We passed a blonde woman, pushing one kid in a stroller and two more hanging around her. She looked really familiar so I smiled and then all of a sudden Andrew burst out "Hi Professor Sun!" You have to understand that this woman is brilliant. She is one of like three people in the history of Harvard to get flawless grades all three years of Harvard Law. I'd only seen her in business dress so I almost didn't recognize her in jeans and a T-shirt. She looked at us questioningly. We did look funny -- all dressed up in business formal with legal documents in our hands. Plus, we were sure she was thinking "why on earth are two married BYU students hanging out at the zoo with each other without their spouses at lunch time on a work day?" Andrew quickly explained our situation and she laughed at our story. The baby elephant was perfect and we headed back to the office. I'm pretty sure it's the last time I'll ever get paid for going to the zoo.

Back to front ...

2011-05-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

So I've seen several blogs doing a post a day with the alphabet lately. I love the idea so I'm going to attempt it. Though I plan to start with Z and work backward.

Finals are over, the law review write-on is done, and I'm back at work. Life is good.

Lame ...

2011-04-27T11:39:00.000-07:00

I am a lame blogger. I promise to stop being lame once the law review stops being lame. In the meantime, I am a slave to the Bluebook citation manual.

Finals prep fun ...

2011-04-17T19:45:00.001-07:00

Word for the day: expunction

Treat for the day: chocolate chip cookies

Outfit for the day: whatever I was wearing yesterday

Shower for the day: maybe

April ...

2011-04-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

What's awesome about April...

General Conference

Beautiful flowers coming up in our yard ... that we totally didn't have to plant because they are annuals. Yay for mooching off the hard work and foresight of the people we are house sitting for.

Finals. The last day of finals and that "Whew! We did it!" feeling is always among the best in the semester.

Good weather

Blue skies

Easter!

What's not so awesome about April...

Finals + good weather. 1) How much good does the sunshine do when you're stuck in the law library? 2) Three consecutive all-nighters to get two major projects turned in combined with a trip to my favorite food cart in SLC (the warm weather seduced me into walking a couple blocks for cheap food) led to some massive food poisoning and my body basically shutting down on me once everything got turned in.

What big plans we have for April:

Dave's brother is leaving on his mission.

Law Review write-on

Curry!

Night-hikes

And on a completely unrelated note ... guess who's going to the Selena Gomez concert in September? My little brother (junior high) is adorably in love with the Disney pop star. Considering I've only been to one or two concerts since I went to the Backstreet Boys when I was his age, maybe I should get me to some more "grown up" music this summer as well.

Do you ...

2011-03-26T12:07:00.001-07:00

judge people when they don't order a drink and then fill up the water cups with Gatorade?

I do.

Mhana, you ugly!!!

2011-03-21T14:57:00.000-07:00

So I'm working on a paper for my feminism and law class when I realize I'm starving. I leave the law school and venture into BYU undergraduate land to get some use out of their food court. Now I'm sitting down to write more of said paper in the student center so I can eat without the law school folk yelling at me for bringing food into the study rooms. I swear undergrads get younger every year.

Anyway, guess what conversation the two Zoobies are having next to me?

The feminist implications of Johnny Lingo.

....

It is taking every ounce of willpower I possess to keep working and not join in.

(Watch THIS awesomely funny and dead-on John Stewart video -- you have to scroll down to the bottom of the page after hitting the link -- if you want the story that prompted the paper I'm writing about the intersection of tort law, feminist schools of thought, and freedom of contract principles apparent in the former rape employment clauses of some military contractors.)

Catch-up...

2011-03-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

I'm playing catch-up this month. On studying. On grades. At work.

Where did I get so behind?

Well, first I was in Minneapolis. That place is cold. The Mall of America was a total disappointment but there was some neat architecture on the UofMinn campus. The moot court competition there rocked and we represented our school well. Can we just talk about how much FUN appellate work is? Why on earth are there so many TV shows dedicated to boring trial work when the real action comes in during the appeal?

Next, I was swamped with coordinating the PILF Auction. We're still wrapping up the loose ends. Did/will the auction benefit me in any way? No. Will my grades probably be worse for it? Yes. But did my committee and volunteers totally more than DOUBLE last year's proceeds and will this mean that more students can go out and use their legal educations to serve people in need? Absolutely.

Then my doctor told me I needed outpatient procedures. I cried. I don't have time to be knocked out for a day or two. And then he took away my medicine so I was up for two nights in pain. (It's just heartburn people ... did this really need to be a crisis that HAD to be dealt with during finals prep?The short answer is no. He was just in too much of a hurry to really talk to me the first time around.) I went back after a very upsetting and completely unproductive 48 hours only to have him change his mind in exchange for a blood draw instead and a promise to get the procedure done sometime this summer. And I now have a one-day stay at the hospital to look forward to after finals instead of watching movies or sleeping before the Law Review write-on starts. Yay.

My uncle passed away. The funeral was wonderful and we all miss him. It's good to have family close by.

And ... now we're caught up. I think I'll get back to catching up on school instead of blogging. Even though you all are way more fun.

Note to self...

2011-02-07T06:43:00.000-08:00

Never, ever read the comments after reading an article you like.

More sleeptalking ...

2011-01-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

3 a.m.

I've been lying awake for the last 30 minutes trying to decide if it's worth getting out of bed to turn up the heat. Then I remember that Dave is his own heat source.

Dave stirs in bed.

Yes, I think. He's awake, too.

"I'm so cold!" I say cuddling up to him.

He puts his arm around me, kissing me on the forehead.

"Yes," he says. "And your service as the Green Lantern is appreciated."

....

Sigh. I can't decide if Dave thinking I'm a superhero in his sleep is an improvement over him thinking I'm a truck driver.

On partisan relationships ...

2010-12-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I know which way the people we're house sitting for lean politically.

This is about the fifth phone call I've gotten from the Republican Congressional Committee for the husband. I just keep saying he isn't available.

Is it ridiculous that the lecture I got when I was six about never revealing too much about your house and who lives there to someone on the phone is still ingrained in my head and so I don't have the guts to tell them the guy they're looking for is gone for a year just in case it's some axe murderer or house thief is posing as a Republican and trying to get a confirmation that the house is unattended some of the time and that the owners are away?

Anyway, I'm tired of making up excuses so I'm thinking I'll have Dave answer next time, pretend to be the man they're looking for, and tell them he's decided to be Democrat.

That should do it.

Whose idea was this?

2010-12-27T23:32:00.000-08:00

Just in case you wondered, writing a moot court brief during Christmas vacation is about as fun as it sounds.

Skiing with your in-laws on Christmas Eve, however, is REALLY fun!

As is getting a food processor for Christmas. Vegetables are way more fun to pulverize than they are to eat.

On procrastination ...

2010-12-07T23:18:00.000-08:00

(I'm totally cherry-picking Reverb10 prompts.)

It's finals time and apparently, somewhere in the world (at least that's what I was told in an e-mail today), it's almost Christmas.

Dave made the most amazing pumpkin pie yesterday. From scratch. Short of growing the pumpkin himself, he did everything else -- the crust, baking down the pumpkin to turn it into what other people buy in a can, mixing it by hand.

It was delicious! He'd tried once before around Thanksgiving, but forgot some of the sugar. This time it came out perfectly sweet.

We still have our Thanksgiving decorations up. There is cornstalk on the porch. I have yet to exchange the orange colored candle I put out as a centerpiece with a red or green one. We're still making Thanksgiving-like desserts. By all accounts, it is November, not December around here.

And it probably will be until finals are over. Preparing for tests isn't the only thing I procrastinate. Switching seasons is difficult, too.

But when November means that you're cuddled up with a blanket and a textbook on the couch while the smell of homemade pie drifts through the house -- you can't help but enjoy it when it stays around a little bit longer.

On etiquette...

2010-12-05T20:31:00.000-08:00

So it's two days from finals, I am scrambling to get everything together, and I'm starting to come down with a cold. I've been popping echinacea and vitamins all day.

I have a question for you readers: I walk into a study room yesterday and my friend greets me with: "I'm so sick!" Immediately all I want to do is run out the door. It's finals time, I'm thinking. I know I'll catch it because I'm running on no sleep and my immune system is low. I can't afford any more lost time. We could study by Skype instead, right? But I can't figure out a way to say that without sounding like a complete germaphope and a really insensitive person. I mean, we only have three days till the final and I know she'd put a lot of time into preparing for our review session together. I was in the same situation a week or so ago when I couldn't think of a good response a friend I drove who got in my car with the words "I don't feel good at all." What was I going to do? Tell her to drive herself? Nope. So yesterday I stayed and studied and, sure enough, I caught the cold just like I thought I would.

Anyway, here's my question: What should I have done? Is getting sick just the cost we pay for interacting or is it fair to ask that people let you out of your commitment because they're ill? Does it matter what kind of illness? I mean it was just a cold. It's not like she showed up with swine flu, right? What do you do in situations like this?

Respond.

(Please! =) )

ALSO, just in case you want more ways to participate in my survey, the friend I drove last week told me proudly that she's never missed school for being sick. that she always finds a way to power through illness and be at the lecture. She talked about how important it is to keep commitments, turn in assignments, even when you're sick. Not being a flake is her most important priority. I wanted to respond with how selfish that was ... that infecting everyone else was really not worth not having to ask someone else for the notes. But am I way off base? Does anyone else get upset when people show up to things sick? Do I lack compassion for the ill or are they rude for getting everyone sick? What kind of person are you? 1. You power through the cold and make sure you get done as much as you can that you promised to do? 2. The kind of person that gets frustrated when others show up sick, but when it comes right down to it, and you're the one with the cold, you probably show up to class, work, whatever? or 3. The kind of person that stays home -- not just because you don't want to go to class/work but out of consideration for others? 4. My husband, who has an immune system of steel and never gets sick?

Tis the season ... for wizards?

2010-12-05T13:56:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas music.

I love Christmastime.

I love Christmas movies.

I'm still not sure how showing the Harry Potter series was in line with a certain television station's "weekend of Christmas movies" but I'm glad it was because it was the most entertained I've been while studying for finals in several days.

P.S. For some reason, Professor McGonnagal reminds me of Justice O'Connor. Has anyone else made that connection?

On pieces ...

2010-12-03T14:26:00.001-08:00

#reverb10 -- Prompt: What one word sums up your 2010 year?

Shattering.

I'v alluded to it in past posts, but early January turned my world upside down. Our marriage, my biases, my life views, my expectations, family relationships -- everything went topsy-turvy. The details haven't, and won't be discussed in this forum. It's too personal. But the beginning of 2010 left everything in pieces, and the rest of it was spent rebuilding. Some parts of life have been rebuilt even more beautiful than before. Some parts are still under construction. And some things -- well, one thing I've learned is just because something is fractured, maybe permanently, doesn't mean it doesn't have worth. In some cases, it becomes more precious.

I chose the word shattering, not shattered, on purpose. There were some definitely earth-shaking revelations that occurred. But things are not in the disarray that they were, and for that I am grateful.

Not all of the shattering that occurred was negative either. As soul-rocking as the experiences were, a lot of impatience, intolerance, insensitivity, and prejudice were shattered and shaken right out of me. I'm better equipped to handle future upsets, and I'm far quicker to offer a sympathetic heart to others who are shaken. Also, there's no doubt the fabulous education I've been blessed with this year formally, and with the crime victims I assisted and in Samoa, shattered misconceptions I didn't even know I had and replaced them with beautiful truths.

All in all, its been a painful rebuild. All growth is. I have NEVER felt so much despair. The best way I know to describe it is that sometimes when you're trying to piece back the shards, you cut yourself. My understanding of depression has significantly and permanently changed. But I would be ungrateful if I didn't acknowledge how generous God was in every other area of my life. It was like He knew how focused I was on rebuilding a few key pieces, and so He quietly managed the rest. So quietly, it took me looking outward to realize how blessed we've really been. For example, in the year that may go down in many people's books as a financial nightmare, we never had a single economic worry. We were blessed with a home to care for, a fabulous job for Dave right out of college, and two internship opportunities for me. There were no significant health problems, no massive car breakdowns, and no deaths. We have been so amply blessed. I truly believe it's because of these blessings that we were able to start healing so well and so quickly. It's because of these blessings that the year progressed from shattering to strengthening. It was a long road here, but I finally think I am ready to face 2011. And I'm excited. There is so much good ahead.

My hope for next year? Balance.

What's your word?

On morality and censorship ...

2010-11-30T13:29:00.000-08:00

I'm competing in a law school competition in Minneapolis in February. The topic? Whether or not limiting marriage to heterosexual couples is constitutional. I feel like I'm on Prop 8/Gay Marriage overload. Multiple speakers, panels, and education conferences about this issue have been hosted by the law school over the last few months. It is, after all, the great constitutional and legal question of the decade. So I should be thrilled I get to be part of the discussion. And that I'm required to analyze and argue both sides. But for now, I'm weary of it. There's only so much inner conflict this student can handle. So I was a bit disappointed when I was assigned that particular competition, and not the one discussing immigration reform or student speech rights. I mean, really, who wouldn't want to argue on behalf of a hypothetical 14-year-old blogger who made critical comments about her principal?

Anyway, researching different viewpoints about sexual morality led to finding one blog post that led me to THIS blog post and then finally to THIS web site.

I like this idea. I've always felt a sort of tension between my own standards of what I choose to view in my own home and my support of the First Amendment. I've also defended the rights of people to look at whatever they want as long as it doesn't involve crimes against children. And I don't just mean in theory. In college I got called just about everything you can think of (I think liberal slut was my favorite -- especially because I was working on my mission papers when I got that e-mail) for allowing a lingerie ad to continue to run in the college paper I was editor of. By opposing censorship and protecting the rights of people to look at what I might consider smut, I believe I am protecting my own right to view things that other people may disagree with -- like minority religious or political viewpoints. I also concede that while some of what I consider porn is absolutely trashy, some of it is in a context others may consider art. And I'm not about the government getting involved in telling me or anyone else what is, and isn't, art.

So this approach ... reducing the demand for porn by talking about the effects it has instead of calling for reduction of supply through censorship ... appeals to me. It's felt like I've either had to accept pornography as "healthy and positive" or join ultra-right-wing groups calling for the prosecution of Playboy. I wasn't comfortable with either option. Providing an additional voice into the "marketplace of ideas" discussion (rather than trying to drown out someone else's) while simultaneously providing support for those that are seeing pornography use damaging their real life and human relationships. Sounds like a win-win to me.

I'm not totally sold on this organization. They look pretty new and upstart. And I'm just enough of a skeptic to withhold endorsement until I know who exactly is backing and funding them. Where exactly does the money from their "Donate Now" button go?

I did like these talking points from their site: "We are fighting against the demand for pornography. Through education, we believe people will no longer want to use porn and those with addictive behavior will seek help from professionals. AND "[W]e want to infuse more sexiness into the world. Two committed people together, that is sexy. A lonely, addicted person sitting in front of a computer is not sexy."

I am not on board with government censorship. I am, however, totally on board with creating a culture that doesn't demean women into sex objects and celebrates fidelity in both thought and action.

Thoughts?

2010-11-20T22:12:00.000-08:00

Saw Harry Potter last night. Came home wanting an adventure. Decided finishing the semester might be good enough for now.

I've been thinking about the film all day so I spent a good part of tonight's homework aversion tactics on websites learning about what the Harry Potter kids are going to do next, particularly the charming Emma Watson ... have you seen her new hair??!

She seems so grounded and so drug free. And that's weird for someone with millions of dollars at the age of 20 and lots of fame. At least for us Americans it is. She's roughly the same age as American counterparts Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus, and yet she turned out so differently. Do you think that has anything to do with the difference in American culture vs. British? Or just that these are very different young women?

Anyway, now I just feel kind of depressed for two reasons: 1) I love the Harry Potter movies and I think I will feel partially responsible if my (along with the other 6 billion people on the planet) financial support of the dynasty in any way contributes to the ruined life of another child star. Am I a horribly cynical person for thinking this whole illusion of stability from the young trio can't possibly last? I'm going to feel horrible in five to ten years if one (or all three) of them is on drugs and making the talk show circuit about how all those fans and money ruined their life. And 2) I am going to be the most uptight parent ever. If my reaction to a celebrity only five years my junior when going through their slideshow of fashion shoots over the years is "Put some pants on young lady" and "That is WAY too much eye makeup for a 17-year-old -- you look so much prettier with your hair out of your face" -- can you even IMAGINE how bad it will be when I'm looking through my own hypothetical children's Facebook accounts? I'm not even pregnant yet and I'm pretty sure they already think I'm not cool.

Thank you ....

2010-11-11T07:55:00.001-08:00

"10 year vet," the sign read. "Please help."

The man had a slight smile on his face. He didn't seem to care that we were all trying to avert our eyes. That's what I struggle with the most ... knowing what to do or say when I walk past someone begging when I'm in my dress coat and heels, looking the picture of money and feeling heartless for not helping. He was clean shaven and younger than most of Salt Lake's panhandlers. Too young looking to be from Vietnam, maybe Desert Storm or Afghanistan.

I'm OK not giving the handout in most cases. Salt Lake City officials have specifically asked people not to give in to panhandlers -- instead, asking us to donate our money to homeless services and shelters. I'm not OK with the fact we pretend they're not there ... walk past as if they are invisible, ignoring not only their request for money but trying to avoid their existence as another human being in need as well. So I did something brave and made eye contact and smiled at him. And instantly felt guilty that the smile wasn't accompanied by some cash. Like always, I wanted to justify myself to him with my litany of excuses and the conversation that goes like this in my head:

I'm sorry, sir. I REALLY want to help you but I don't carry cash and I can't just hand over my credit card. You don't believe me when I say we don't have the money? I know it's hard to believe because we look rather fancy. Please don't let the fact we just came from the ballet in our Sunday best deceive you. We could only afford our seats because we bought them with Groupon and you have no idea the student debt we're fighting and the long hours my husband is working to make ends meet and to pay for little extras like these date nights. The fancy coat I'm wearing is a gift from my mom. My husband saved for months for these pearls. Don't look at me like that!

We kept walking across the street and I couldn't get his sign out of my head: "10 year vet. Please help." It made me think of THIS article. Did you know the word "tramp" originated from all the homeless veterans who "tramped" home from the Civil War? Or that Iraq and Afganistan veterans are already showing up in homeless shelters? From the article:

Some advocates say the early presence of veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan at shelters does not bode well for the future. It took roughly a decade for the lives of Vietnam veterans to unravel to the point that they started showing up among the homeless. Advocates worry that intense and repeated deployments leave newer veterans particularly vulnerable.

"We're going to be having a tsunami of them eventually because the mental health toll from this war is enormous," said Daniel Tooth, director of veterans affairs for Lancaster County, Pa.

....

Keaveney said it's difficult for his group to persuade some homeless Iraq veterans to stay for treatment and help because they don't relate to the older veterans ...

"They see guys that are their father's age and they don't understand, they don't know, that in a couple of years they'll be looking like them," he said.

I lived near an Army base in Tennessee for several months, working with families in an LDS congregation. It was at the height of this most recent war. There were men on their third deployment in as many years. The divorce rate was staggering among infantry. It baffles me that many of the people who gave the most to protecting society end up reaping the fewest of society's benefits ... warm shelter, three square meals a day, and a productive job. But in other ways it makes sense. Without a college education, the skills combat gives you aren't exactly marketable in a civilian economy. Culture shock, mental illness caused by the stress of combat, physical disability, and the toll of deployments on familial relationships are not a good recipe for success once you return home.

Today is Veteran's Day and I've been thinking a lot about that man I saw.

If I had had cash last weekend after the ballet, I probably would have given it to him, regardless of the city's request. But we didn't and so I wanted to invite him to dinner. Dave said no. He was uncomfortable with the idea. So we kept walking and he kept on being ignored. I wish I would have run back and at least told him "thank you." Because our veterans deserve at least that much.

Cutting back ...

2010-10-11T14:42:00.001-07:00

Life needs to be simplified this month. So I'm not going to blog. And I'm going to do my very, very best to limit how much I read other's blogs. Which is going to be hard because I sincerely find many of you interesting, entertaining, and enlightening. I'll be back in November.

Brooke

A tale of woe ...

2010-10-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

I have a sad, sad story to tell you about moot court.

What is moot court you might ask? It's this really fabulous law school cocurricular activity. Not extracurricular like football (though I'm doing that this year, too ... the law school has one of the most dominating ladies flag teams around). Cocurricular like we'll give you school credit for doing something more fun than listening to a teacher lecture and you might actually learn to be a lawyer along the way. Moot court is something I've really looked forward to being part of. Something I worked really hard to get invited onto. And something I've been working very hard to do well at.

And then yesterday, I'm pretty sure I blew it. And I took it way harder than I expected. I realized that maybe my relationship with law school has become unhealthy. Unbalanced and life controlling perhaps?

So instead of telling you about the details, I think I'm just going to wrap this up and go find a life instead. Because seriously, I woke up REALLY happy this morning after some fabulous support and recovery from family last night when I realized things were going downhill fast. And because sleep is amazing and I didn't have to wake up to an alarm. And it's October and should be freezing, but it's sunny and beautiful and SO WARM!!! outside. And there's no class today. So I'm going to take a break from law school today and give it some distance. It will get all passive-aggressive on me when I return by giving me a list of double-duties tomorrow for my neglect. But I think the health of our relationship demands it. Maybe I'll go on a hike.

...

Right after I finish this edit and go to the hearing I promised to.

Law school is so needy.

On increase ...

2010-09-29T23:16:00.001-07:00

Some food for thought at this back-to-school-time:

In the past 25 years, minimum wage increased 216 percent.

Tuition increased 400 percent.

Twenty-five years ago, more men graduated from college than women.

Today, more women graduate than men.

Just over twenty-five years ago, I did not exist.

Today, I do.

If I applied the logic some of my classmates try to use in class, it would mean that I am reasponsible for the increase in tuition, minimum wage, and the number of women earning college degrees.

You're welcome.

*I realize it's tangential to the point of this post, but I'd also love discussion on the tuition/wage increase issue as well as this article about how efforts to boost the status of women have worked (yay for lots of college degrees),but now maybe men need the boost back .... http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135/. Link courtesy former professor at http://tedsword.blogspot.com. Thoughts???

On career options ...

2010-09-29T08:11:00.000-07:00

The words left my mouth and I instantly knew they'd come out too hastily. I had snapped back at a classmate who, in her own frustration, accused me of talking to the one attorney in the clinic that night out of turn. I immediately tried to apologize but she was too worried about her client who had been sitting with no answer for at least 20 minutes. So I sighed, turned back to the attorney who was ignoring my classmate for the moment, and wrote down her instructions.

Every Tuesday I volunteer to offer legal help to domestic violence victims. The first week or so the questions were simple and basic. What form do I need for a protective order? Can I take my child out of the country if his dad has custody and refuses to sign his passport? Where is the courthouse? I was cocky enough after this experience that I actually told a friend it was somewhat frustrating to do all the work and have the supervising attorney take credit.

Hah.

This week was a doozy. And I realized just why being an attorney requires three years of intense study, bar certification, and a few years of practice in a firm or under a mentor before you're ready to go it on your own as a solo practitioner.

Because as a second year student, I had absolutely no idea that if your ex-husband got you to sign divorce papers under fraudulent pretenses the next step is to submit a motion to dismiss with a supporting affidavit. I also had no absolutely no idea what your client should tell the judge if your abusive husband has been deported and so you can't find him to serve him with divorce papers. And I definitely had absolutely no idea what to say when a woman my age, a stay-at-home mom with a 7-year-old and a 4-year-old and no education and only a few months work experience at Petsmart whose husband has all of their money in his name and cheated on her so she now has zero money and zero job prospects, looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "This isn't how I thought marriage was going to be."

And that's when I also knew divorce law probably isn't going to be for me..

One field of law down, 100 to go. I'll figure out what I'm doing eventually.

On overcoming denial ...

2010-09-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

Confessions:

I watch Dancing With the Stars while editing law journal articles.

I secretly wish I was on Dancing with the Stars.

I find Bristol Palin adorable and refreshing.

Congratulations American Broadcasting Corporation. You can take away my "I think I'm too smart for pop culture" award now. No one's been able to do that since Gilmore Girls ended. I miss Rory.

On stamping...

2010-09-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

I've spent a lot of time in the law library lately. So I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to notice the disclaimer on the large "stamp" used at the circulation desk where I check out research materials. (I say "stamp" because really it's not a stamp in my mind. A stamp is what my Young Women leaders would use to decorate homemade greeting cards. This thing is a spring-loaded, foot-tall, complete-with-interchangeable-date-plates-ink dispenser of doom; an apparatus only the true librarians can handle.) Anyway, here's what the label on top says in red capital letters.

"Please do not stamp personal items. Stamp is for library materials only."

.....

....

Why on earth was this disclaimer necessary? Who would want "Howard W. Hunter Law Library[DATE]" stamped all over their stuff anyway? Is wildly stamping anything in reach really such a temptation for law students that it happens frequently? And was that really so offensive to the librarians they felt the need that the stamp must be made exclusive? That the sacred name of the library not be allowed to touch non-library materials?

I think what this really means is that I've spent too much time in the library. And that I very possibly need a life outside of law school.

On sleeptalking ...

2010-09-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

Remember THIS? It just keeps getting better:

I turn out the light and Dave rolls over reaching for my arm.

"So," he says touching my elbow. "How are things going for you guys?"

Guys? Since when am I plural? Hmm ... I think. This sleep talking thing has been going on for a year but it's never been interactive. Maybe I should check that out. Maybe he's dreaming about the next day when we'd see some friends at another friend's wedding? But before I can say anything he interrupts me.

"I don't mean personally. I mean with the load."

Ah. He's dreaming about work where he manages semi-truck drivers.

"What load?" I respond.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm too tired to ask this question. Maybe I should ask you tomorrow."

I search for another response when he starts in again ...

"Really good, thanks for asking. Things are great with me and my wife."

That's happy, I think. Even unconscious he's happy with our marriage.

Pause.

"What time will you arrive with the load?"

"10," I say, searching my brain for a number.

"And what time is it due again?"

"11." If I'm going to play truck driver, I might as well be a really punctual one.

"Great. Sounds good to meeeeeeee," his drags out the word in a tired sing-song voice."Maybe I'm too tired to ask this question. Maybe I should ask you tomorrow. But it was really important I know before I go to bed for some reason."

Pause.

I wonder what else I can get out of his subconcious.

"So, what's your favorite thing about your wife?" I ask.

"There's so many things!" he says enthusiastically. "How could I choose just one?"

Awwwww....

"Do you know who you are talking to?" I am suspicious from his last answer he is starting to wake up. "Who am I?"

"You are ... You are Brooke," he says somewhat uncertainly.

"Yes. So why are talking to me like a truck driver?"

"Because you drive a truck."

"No I don't."

"Have you ever considered switching vocations?"

On panic ...

2010-09-12T00:09:00.000-07:00

Panic is looking at your "absolutely-must-have-finished-before-class-at-9a.m.-Monday" list at 1 a.m. Sunday and then realizing all your books are at school in your carrel. In the library. In a building that is locked on Sundays because it is owned by a religious organization.

....

BYU may be able to keep my from my books on the Sabbath but they won't exactly be forcing me into a day of rest. More like a day of stress.

9/11 links ... We will never forget

2010-09-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

I liked this collection of photos: http://www.csmonitor.com/CSM-Photo-Galleries/In-Pictures/September-11-Revisiting-Ground-Zero

Also, I love that First-Ladies Michelle Obama and Laura Bush spoke together today in Pennsylvania.

P.S. American journalists and legal scholars ... Can we please, please stop using the acronym OTUS for "of the United States." It took me a long time to figure out what the heck articles were talking about in law school when they referred to the Supreme Court as SCOTUS, and in looking for a link about the First Ladies' speech, I just came across an article that referred to Michelle Obama as the FLOTUS. Really? That phrase sounds like some kind of quasi-sexual flower to me. And strikes me as slightly demeaning. Does that mean her husband the president is the POTUS and that as a resident and citizen I am a ROTUS or COTUS? Typing out U.S. before something takes less time than writing OTUS after it and will save my poor eyes.

T-shirt goodness ...

2010-09-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

The BYU Women's Law Forum has had some rocking T-shirts the last couple years. Lady Justice stands proudly wielding her sword with the scales of justice hanging in the balance. Two years ago she was surrounded by the words: Women belong in the House .... and in the Senate."

Last year we gave our gal pal Judge Judy some screen time. "I'm here because I'm smart, not because I'm young and beautiful ... although I am."

This year's quote has a lot to live up to. I just got the list board members will vote from and I thought I'd share some of my favorites. (Feel free to comment with your insights or your own favorite quotes about the law, achieving your goals, women, feminism, or to help me balance this discussion out a little, men.):

"Men of sense in all ages abhor those customs which treat us only as the vassals of your sex" - Abigail Adams

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank, writer

"Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads." -Erica Jong, author

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"A woman's work is never done." - Proverb

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble." -Helen Keller (editor's note: can't you just see this in vinyl?)

"Feminism's agenda is basic: It asks that women not be forced to 'choose' between public justice and private happiness." - Susan Faludi, Pulitzer Prize-Winning Journalist

"Women are the real architects of society." -Harriet Beecher Stowe

"Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person." –Mother Theresa

"We are all pencils in the hand of God writing love letters to the world." -Mother Theresa

"There never will be complete equality until women themselves help to make laws and elect lawmakers." - Susan B. Anthony

"When will our consciences grow so tender that we will act to prevent human misery rather than avenge it?" -Eleanor Roosevelt

Prop 8 ...

2010-09-09T12:45:00.000-07:00

The lead counsel for the defense in Perry v. Schwarzenegger spoke today. His speech, followed by intense debate (yes, there are people at BYU Law on all sides of this issue) and discussion with classmates left my head in knots.

Every time I'd attempt an argument in any direction, I'd end up in a circle. And after a crash course in tax break regulation, I'm convinced there's a lot more to this argument than people from either side are letting on and that acknowledging those untalked about incentives (*cough! cough! **FINANCIAL!) would actually simplify the debate enormously. And I also wanted to completely ***overhaul the tax code.

I believe in tolerance. I also believe in morality. But discussion and studies about homosexuality and its impact or lack thereof are irrelevant here because that's not what the case is about. Those things may be what Prop 8 were about and they are certainly what all the buzz and debate and exchange within the marketplace of ideas surrounding the case are about. The actual lawsuit, though, has to focus on legal, not social principles. So it's about whether or not a referendum held to a public vote and then passed by only a slight majority (52.24 percent) of Californian residents does or does not violate Constitutional guarantees. And for law students, legal scholars, and hopefully, for all Americans, that is a very important question to have answered.

I know where I stand on the irrelevant stuff -- morals and tolerance and the balance between the two. But I still haven't decided what I think the Constitutionally-acceptable solution should or will be. Good thing I'm not in charge.

Thoughts? Does someone out there have a better grasp on the Due Process clause and is certain they know how it should be interpreted? Is anyone else as lost as I am? Or does no one want to touch this?

** I am not referring only to proponents of gay marriage here -- financial incentives play into both sides. Nor am I implying the only reason homosexual couples want to be married is because of a tax break. There are certainly important emotional aspects to this issue. I am referring here, however, to the fact that one of the main arguments that current marriage laws are discriminatory is that heterosexual couples who are married are given different tax breaks than heterosexual couples that are not married and that current marriage laws force homosexual couples into the unmarried category.

***(Warning: I ramble here. You may want to just read the main post and move on to the comments if you're not in the mood to make sense of confusion.)

Marriage as an institution has historically been about children. That does not mean that your marriage has to be about children. You may choose to be married and not have children (my husband and I are fully in that category at the moment) and you may choose to have children and not be married. But governments and societies have typically offered incentives (and really, what other form of incentive does the government have other than tax breaks and some sort of government-recognized title distinction) to people who are willing to commit to long-term relationships because it is an effort to reduce the number of children born to single parents.

If the incentive works (or if the incentive creates a culture where marriage is valued), this reduces the percentage of children who will need government assistance to make up for a missing parent and significantly reduces other social ills that have been statistically linked to poverty due to single parenthood. That's good for society as whole. The government recognizes that not all married couples will have children. But they do recognize that the majority of heterosexual people will procreate and they want to encourage as much of that to happen within committed and stable relationships as possible so marriage has traditionally been offered to heterosexual couples.

This line of reasoning is used as by some as an argument against extending marriage to committed homosexual couples: The only reason the government cares at all about heterosexual marriage is because heterosexual marriages usually produce offspring and governments have a valid interest in parental care provided to the children born into their country. If children were not usually a product of heterosexual relationships than the government could care less whether or not the two adults in the relationship wanted formal recognition of their lifelong commitment to each other. Because no homosexual couple will ever spontaneously reproduce, the argument is there is no valid reason for the government to get involved. Homosexual couples may adopt, just as others who are not married may adopt, but other tax credits are offered to parents regardless of marital status and if unmarried people (regardless of sexual orientation) are willing to go to the lengths that it takes to adopt a child, then their families are probably not the kind that threaten societal harmony like lots of children from uncommitted relationships do and so there is no need to offer incentives against it like there is with unmarried couples.

The Supreme Court, in some cases, seems to agree with at least the line of reasoning which leads to this argument because it has repeatedly let the American people know that they can have sex and be committed and spend there lives with whoever they want, but marriage the institution is about children and families, not just about two adults who love each other. That does not mean they won't extend marriage to homosexual couples at some point, because they might. It just means that they say the reason America cares about marriage is because marriage is about kids.

Now how does this all relate to financial incentives and a complete overhaul of the tax code? I follow the purposes and reasoning for tax breaks for married couples to a point. But I also see where it seems completely unfair that when my friend's dad bailed on her mom and asked for a divorce, that her mom now pays more in taxes (because she doesn't get to file jointly with anyone), which actually leaves her with less income to support her daughters just when she needs the extra income the most. It also seems totally bogus to me that I get more of a tax break than my unmarried friends who are dating. How is that fair? And it seems bogus to me that heterosexual couples without kids should get more of a tax break than homosexual couples without kids. But I also think the government should be encouraging marriage because it is good for kids and what other ways can the government do that than offering tax incentives? And can we really afford to offer ALL parents, regardless of marital status, the same huge level of tax breaks? It's not like this money just magically appears if it's not collected. The people who don't qualify end up making up the difference. So now everyone who is childless would be footing a much larger bill. But, on the other hand, then the tax break would be even for all parents regardless of marital status. It's one reason this friend is against gay marriage because the money lost to all the new tax breaks for married homosexual couples will fall largely on unmarried people, a large portion of them single parents. Why should they get a tax break when the whole purpose is to benefit kids and right now unmarried people WITH kids don't even qualify. But don't we want parents to be married, so shouldn't we continue to give tax breaks to married couples because they most likely will have children? Most married people do have children. You could argue that we should only give it to couples who are married with kids if kids are the ones we're trying to help in the first place. But is it fair for one marriage to receive a tax break when another doesn't based on child status? Do we give a tax break for people trying to have children? Or only once they actually have a child? What would would happen if we just overhauled it all and didn't give a married tax incentive? What if, since kids are the ones we are trying to help, we just gave a bigger child credit? Would that somehow be interpreted as government approval of people choosing to have children outside of committed relationships even though that has been shown to be bad for society? Would Prop 8 have even have happened if there was no married tax break? Would as many homosexual couples want to be married if non-marriage wasn't keeping them from equal treatment in the eyes of the law because not even married people were being given the break? The fact I can come up with so many questions and I absolutely loathe talking about tax law is a big sign to me that there needs to be some kind of tax reform. But, again, I won't be the one to do it.

On anticipation ...

2010-08-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

I laid awake staring at the ceiling. I was so excited I could hardly stand it. I checked the clock ... nope. Not time. I would roll over, trying very hard to think of something so that I wouldn't be tempted to get out of bed. When you're seven it's not OK to turn on the TV and make yourself a bowl of cereal at 2 a.m. Usually thinking about my new backpack or the neatly packaged pencils in my Lisa Frank box was enough to bring a new wave of giddiness and I was back to looking at the clock. The night before school started was infinitely more testing than the night before Christmas.

I am a nerd. I love school. As a child I would lay awake thinking about recess and math time and reading time with endless glee. As a teenager I would picture the outfit hanging in my closet over and over again -- each time coming up with a new improvement or finding some social flaw in my choice, but ultimately pulling it on the next morning with the satisfaction it was the best that six hours of sleepless analyzing could come up with. And then there was college! I couldn't wait to get back to my roommates, setting up in a new apartment, journalism classes, and freedom. I still smile when I pass that last curve in the canyon and Logan comes into view. It feels like I'm coming home.

School starts again on Thursday. But this doesn't feel like school. It feels like lawyer boot camp and I don't want to go back. My husband and I discussed our schedules for the week while driving last night. I got to the part about school starting on Thursday. "I'll be done at 4 p.m.," I said. And then there was a silence. "I don't want to go." More silence. My husband looked over at me, wondering if everything was OK. It wasn't. I was crying like a scared three-year-old approaching preschool for the first time. "It's hard. I can't do it. I don't want to go." Even I knew how pathetic I sounded. I didn't care. The last two weeks have been delicious and all I could think about was every golden thing in my life slipping back into the dark-paneled walls of the third floor of the law building. I feel like I'm drowning and school hasn't even begun. I'm already behind on reading, I've already failed miserably at school-life balance at least twice this week while just preparing to go back, and I have no honest idea of whether or not my loans will come through in time to pay for tuition.

Buck up, I thought. It's just school. No it's not, I retorted to myself. This isn't just school. This is school with bullies and a curve and no validation and no recess and no .... You sound like an idiot, I responded. Whine, whine, whine. Do you honestly think anyone cares that you think law school is hard? Or that they have absolutely ANY sympathy? You signed yourself up. You're a grownup. And grownups do hard things.

My inner three-year-old just whimpered defiantly.

So when I woke up this morning with a desire to organize my binder and set aside some things to put on my carrel, I saw that as a good sign. Maybe I'll even start picking out an outfit and go buy some new highlighters or pens. Because I really do love school ... even when I'm three.

I'm back ...

2010-08-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

Goodbye tropical island and UN initiatives ... Hello law school and organizing the garage.

And finishing thank you notes. Miss Manners says you have one year in which to complete your wedding thank you notes. I'm giving myself a year and two weeks.

P.S. I owe many of you visits, e-mails, blog comments, and phone calls. I promise I'm getting there! Be patient with me as I catch up, please.

Unforgettable ...

2010-07-26T14:11:00.000-07:00

My list of unforgettable Samoan moments:

Watching the fire dancers

Watching the fire dancers set a table on fire

Watching the fire dancers stand frozen staring at the table they set on fire

Watching a tourist walk up and throw the table in the swimming pool

Meet Eti ...

2010-07-26T14:01:00.002-07:00

This is Eti ...

A couple weeks ago he took us up here ...

Around here ...

And through here ...

So we could see this ...

Lake Lanoto'o

2010-07-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

I got to feed wild goldfish on Saturday! The hike to Lake Lanoto'o was slippery and steep but passed through some amazing greenery and flowers. The lake was created after a volcano erupted and eventually the crater filled with water. Germans introduced the small fish to the lake and they've been spreading like crazy ever since. My friend and I had the lake to ourselves while our guide did some work on the land above.

Our guide has been helping uncover the remains of small huts that a German doctor built and lived in during his time in Samoa. He found the foundations as well as a few remaining day-to-day items like old wine bottles and a teapot. The doctor's grandchildren have been visiting from Germany and want to place a headstone marker there. A bit tricky since it's an hour walk up steep and slippery terrain and no one else lives nearby, but our guide is determined it will get done somehow. He had amazing stories about the doctor who lived there a century ago and was finally driven out by New Zealand planes around WWII.

Trouble in Paradise ...

2010-07-23T12:10:00.000-07:00

The man kicked the fence angrily, his face grimacing with the effort, and the arm that held the baby coming back towards the street. I wondered what the fence had done to deserve his rage until I saw him begin to strike it, over and over, and I knew. Something was hidden by the fence -- something soft, something human.

I called out to my coworkers. Our truck pulled up further and we could see a woman, her full weight bending in the fence around her, her assailant ready to strike again. We didn't want to believe what we were seeing. His leg came up and he pushed it hard into her stomach. She doubled over and slid down the fence toward the ground.

"Help her! Do something!"

The words came out of my mouth, but my body was frozen. L.i. urged our driver forward further, rolled down her window and immediately began to try diffuse the situation in Samoan, simultaneously asking the woman on the sidewalk if she was all right. He looked right at us, still holding the baby, then turned with a look toward the woman and punched again. This time there was blood and she was down on the ground. B. jumped out of the driver's seat and ran to her. L.i. was out of the truck trying to reason him, doing anything to stall him and get him to hand over the baby. She fired a string of Samoan at him ... who knows what she said. Insults? Reprimands? Pleadings? I had sat in shock watching the commotion until my body finally caught up with my brain and my hands scrambled furiously inside my bag for my cell phone. I dialed the police.

"We're sorry, but the number you're trying to reach is busy now. We're sorry, but the ..."

I hung up and silently cursed the robotic voice and lack of a dispatching system.

I stood near L.i. half-frozen, unable to say or understand anything in Samoan. My fingers were still fumbling with the keypad. A few people started walking toward us from across the street and E. was cradling the woman's head, keeping it off the concrete. The man grabbed a rock and started back toward the woman. L.i. came toward him. A taxi pulled up and the man, dropped the rock and began climbing in. He hesitated. L.i. was staring at him.

"Hello? Hello?"

I finally got another voice on the other end of the line.

"L.i. I've got the police, talk to them," I said pushing the phone toward her, sure that her Samoan would get us further and faster than my English.

She looked at me confused, told me to talk to them and continued to stare at the man climbing in the taxi with the baby.

"Hello? Yes. We've just witnessed an assault."

Click.

Are you kidding me?

A crowd was starting to gather and the man and the baby disappeared inside the taxi which quickly drove off. I memorized the license plate number and couldn't believe that the taxi driver, who could clearly see the woman lying bleeding on the street, hadn't held him back.

"Let's get her to the hospital," L.i. said.

B. and some other men hosited the half-conscious woman into the track while E. and I gathered her scattered belongings off the pavement. We climbed in the bed of the truck. E's eyes were wide with panic. My mind raced through every bit of domestic violence research I'd completed in Samoa. I was anxious to get to the hospital. But partway there, we turned around and L.i. reluctantly agreed to take the woman to her family's house instead.

E. and I walked in a daze back to the office after L.i. and B. went to track down the assailant's employer. She had been staring for a reason. She recognized him from a local bakery. She and the police would be waiting for him when he got back to work. It didn't take long before he was booked in jail, the baby safely with grandparents. Committing public assault with four employees from the Attorney General's Office as eye-witnesses is a sure way to get caught.

In the meantime, E. and I couldn't get the image of his fist sinking into her head out of our own. Months of work with domestic violence victims, and weeks of research on specific protocal for domestic violence reporting, did little to help cushion the experience. I felt helpless. What good was trying to stop violence against women if it didn't help me stop violence against women? I had just sat there. By the time my fingers had found the number for a limited police force, the punch had already been thrown.

My first reaction was to call home. It calmed my nerves to hear a comforting voice on the other end of the line. But it was awful to realize that while coming home might offer me some personal comfort, it wouldn't help. It wouldn't offer an escape from the violence. Millions of American women are being battered in their own homes the same way a Samoan woman was beat in the street today. So I'll keep working. Even if I can't actually stop anything. At least she knows we tried.

2010-07-19T13:18:00.000-07:00

I have Internet access again, so let's get to it, shall we? The last two weeks have been full of cultural experiences -- some planned, and some not-so-much.

Let's begin with THE GOOD ...

Manono Island is one of the most beautiful places on Earth, made even more beautiful by its lovely people.

You can walk around the entire island in about two hours. Kids follow you shouting "Malo!" and "Buh-bye!" and begging you to take their picture so they can see themselves on your digital camera. By far, the coolest part of my trip so far.

THE BAD ....

Dogs here are crazy. They hold the island hostage after dark and I fall asleep to howling and snarling as they attack each other in the streets. They're also really fond of biting tourists. Check out my coworker's awesome battle wound.

One night I took a taxi back home to avoid being attacked in the dark streets only to be greeted at the back door by a couple of dogs. They were not as happy as me that I was home and began growling and barking at me. Terrified, I started shouting "Halu! (stop) Halu! Halu!!" Home-away-from-home-Dad heard me through the window and came and rescued me, laughing at both my accent and the fact I was only two feet from the door when they cornered me.

And THE UGLY ....

Nothing sexier than mosquito bites on pale legs. I must be unusually yummy to the blood-sucking insects because more than one well-meaning Samoan woman has implied that I have a skin disease or asked what happened, half-expecting to hear that I was attacked with a knife.

No escape ...

2010-07-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

It follows me. Everywhere.

By about the third time I had tripped out of the van and fallen on my face, Luke caught onto the fact that I'm clumsy.

"You're just like Bella!" he exclaimed.

"Excuse me?"

"You know ... Bella from Twilight? She's such a clutz."

And the only movie showing last night on the island's sole movie theatre (where, by the way, they have to turn off the air conditioning half way through the movie because electricity is a luxury)? Eclipse.

Sigh ... Thank you Stephanie Meyer for my new Samoan nickname and for infiltrating the world. Like fast food and celebrity gossip, you are some of the best our culture has to export abroad.

Benefits ...

2010-07-07T20:25:00.001-07:00

Government attorneys aren't paid very much. But this is the view from the back entrance ...

Independence Day

2010-07-07T20:13:00.000-07:00

I celebrated July 4th at an Australian club (and when I say club, I mean a tiki hut with a bar surrounded by tables with candles) with an Aussie and a Kiwi.

Palagis, as foreigners are called here, are few in number.

Most are here as aid workers or tourists and most are very young. I have yet to meet anyone who is older than 30 and not a doctor, medical staff, or a political science major.

I came for an authentic international experience, so I panicked a little Saturday night when I realized I was sitting in an Australian club drinking Sprite with two of the few non-Samoans on the island. But the few Samoan friends I've made so far at work had plans that didn't include watching out for a foreign girl's safety in seedy bars while binge drinking. Besides, hanging out with Australians totally counts as an international experience, right?

Introductions ...

2010-07-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

An elderly grandmother ordered me in broken English to stand next to her at the luggage terminal. At 5:30 a.m. the airport was buzzing to a soundtrack of live music provided by performers in matching tropical shirts and lava lavas. I stood next to my new friend and followed her direction in taking my luggage off the conveyor belt and making my way through customs.

I must have looked like I had never travelled before. Funny, considering how comfortable I feel in airports. Not that you would have known from the way I bungled security when leaving Salt Lake. There's something about kissing your husband goodbye for the last time before a five-week absence that makes you forget to take off your belt or put your sweatshirt in the right bin and look back instead of forward and almost trip over the mat.

But anways ...

So Luke puts my luggage in their family van and I'm hurled across the coast line at sunrise. It's now 6:30 a.m. and the island is already very much awake. Kids are walking in crisp polo shirts and colored lava lavas on their way to private church schools and adults are waiting on the side of the road to cram into yellow and red buses and taxis. There are colors everywhere. The houses, the flowers, the sunrise, the clouds, the ocean reflecting all of it.

Luke points out traditional villages with fales (thatched-roof homes with no walls) separated by the Samoan version of suburbs. Small roadside stands selling beer, cell phone credits, and packaged foods crammed into jungle along with small single-level European homes.

Yellow signs, some of the only signs on the roads declaring "NO to rape and indecent acts" are attached to the string of telephone and electric poles that follow the coast line. I instantly wonder if they are a product of the government agency I'm here to volunteer with.

Within a half hour we've passed the LDS temple and a chapel or two and my amazement gives way to a feeling of familiarity. Even in Samoa with their open buildings and lush vegetation, there's a "look" to LDS chapels that feels like home.

The van pulls up to the house I'll be staying in for the next five weeks and a few men look up from cooking that's already been under way for an hour in stone ovens under a thatched structure. I'm welcomed in by warm friends and shown into the house. So this is Samoa. Everything around me reminds of a mixture of South America, the states, and pictures I've seen of the Pacific in travel magazines. Chickens and dogs run loose in the yard. There are pigs in the back. A modest kitchen boasts running, but not heated, water. The house is basically a huge screened porch divided into rooms. Curtains hang in a continuous wall of fabric eye-level and down and room is a different color. I'm staying in the pink room -- Princess Pink complete with an old Tinkerbell poster taped to the wall. More later on my adventures on trying to sleep.

P.S. My access to the Internet is not always constant so I have a feeling some days there will be multiple posts I've had waiting to put up, and other days that I won't be able to connect. You, of course, are under no obligation to read them all at once when that happens. =)

Absent ...

2010-07-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

I've been gone from cyberworld for awhile. One day I might find the words to explain where I've been in quality and quantity since January. But for now, that doesn't matter. Cyberworld, meet the other side of the world ....

Talofa from Samoa.

More coming.

TOADY awards

2010-04-27T12:44:00.001-07:00

Check out this link --

http://commercialfreechildhood.org/actions/toady2010.html

for the worst toys of the year. My favorite part: "Because as we all know, second grade is about occasions." What toy did you pick?

It's not over till the fat lady sings ...

2010-04-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say that the hours since finals ended have been refreshing, or at least spent away from the law school. My brain was pretty fried and I was/still am desperately awaiting some time to think about something different because I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a fresh brain to start an internship next week.

Instead, though, I spent the rest of the day on campus in law review information meetings, most of the next day in classes about externships and ethics (just in case you wondered, having sex with your client is against the rules and so is representing both sides in a case), packing everything we own with the help of family and friends, moving all that stuff to a new place, and attending our new ward where we were given callings within 15 minutes of church ending. I spent the rest of the remaining weekend crying uncontrollably because the last year has pretty much maxed out my emotional limit and it's the first time I've had time to cry in awhile, unpacking, giving up on packing and deciding that Dave and I really are better off with the mattress in the middle of the living room with no bedframe if it means not having to deal with more moving anxiety till he's done with finals, stressing over the news our apartment managers didn't get our 30-day notice so we are now responsible for another month's worth of rent we definitely cannot afford, keeping feminist rage simmered at the Utah Valley Women's Expo, and prepping for the law review competition.

Finals may be finished, but apparently that doesn't mean that law school is.

I love that they didn't even give us a whole three hours between one year "ending" and classes for next year. Has anyone else's school/work/family been this unrelentless at the end of something significant? I would love to hear your stories so I'm not the only one whining.

Anyway, so now the weekend is gone, and today (Monday) felt remarkably like every other day during finals -- procrastination, some decent cooking to keep myself going, and lots of time reading cases and footnotes. It's obvious now my celebratory "finished!" post was a little early, but I am determined that one way or another this school year will finally end.

(Stay tuned ... despite the week-long writing competition, rambling post documenting the epic battle "Feminism v. Women's Expo" coming soon.)

Finals are ...

2010-04-22T15:52:00.001-07:00

DONE!!!!!!

The End.

Links to similarly minded people ...

2010-04-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

I downloaded THIS song in honor of Denim Day. Madonna and I have very little in common, but we see eye-to-eye on those lyrics.

And check out these excellent posts for more on Denim Day: http://genavee.blogspot.com/2010/04/denim-day.html
http://www.thebobbypin.com/2010/04/wear-jeans-tomorrow.html

Now it's back to finals prep. I found it fitting the last hypothetical I had was one on rape. He took her keys (but she was drunk so he claimed he was just keeping her off the streets), she said no (he claimed the fact she stuck around to get her keys back was consent), and she didn't resist (she was told he wouldn't hurt her if he could just get what he wanted). Rape? Unfortunately for this woman, it would depend on where she lived and how much resistance was required on her part for that particular jurisdiction. There is still so much to change. I think I got the answer right for purposes of the exam, now if only society and the legal system could get it right. Isn't it sad that was even a question that could be debated?

P.S. Remember my gushing about how grateful I was we don't have to memorize the missionary discussions, feel guilty about going to grad school, or store two years worth of wheat because we have current prophets with fresh information? Check out this post by Mormon Child Bride on fashion sense.

EasyMac ...

2010-04-15T13:06:00.001-07:00

Finals are here. I procrastinated as usual. But instead of fighting it this time, I've embraced it. I love eating tapioca pudding. And I love sleeping in. Finals will not conflict with those two past-times. Everything else, however, has been put on hold.

Which is why this exchange, during a blissful, much-needed few moments with my husband over some almost-instant-mac-and-cheese, was so awesome:

Dave: (lists everything that has to get turned in the next few weeks so that he can graduate and a million other things going on) [heavy sigh] I'm just feeling overwhelmed. [heavier sigh] It doesn't help that I'm feeling overweight since I don't have time to exercise anymore.

He looked really depressed. So I tried to cheer him up.

Me: [putting my hand on his knee, giving him my biggest, most sincere smile of encouragement] I believe in you! You can do it!

Dave: [mutters]Great. Now I just feel like Free Willy. (mimicking me, while pumping his hands above his head) You can do it. Be free!!!

Suddenly my brain was superimposing Dave's head into a whale shape.

It was the best moment of my day.

....

And speaking of things that you may or may not find as hilarious as I did, Sunday in church we were singing the hymn "Because I Have Been Given Much." Dave leaned over and whispered, "Because I have been given mulch." I leaned back and responded "That he too may be composted."

Yay garden humor.

Something short as promised ...

2010-04-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

Dinner on Thursday:

Chili-flavored ramen, pan-fried, with crab substitute.

.....

So much better than it sounds. I ate the whole package.

Possibly slightly pathetic side-note: I was preparing packaged food that cost 19 cents and adding cheap meat substitutes, but I still felt gourmet and like a Food Network star because I was using "crab" and I added a little flourish to my application of the olive oil being poured from my very fancy looking olive oil bottle I probably got from Wal-Mart.

More long blocks of text ...

2010-04-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

I totally get that my last post was probably visually intimidating. I don't know about you, but my brain shuts off when I see long blocks of text. Especially long blocks of text just like the one I pasted in last time from a talk by Gordon B. Hinckley. So I'm impressed if you read my last post all the way through. And I really, really wanted to give you something short and snappy this time to make up for it.

But I'm going to do the long quote thing again anyway because you know how marriage/law school/family balancing issues have been on the brain? Well, this made me happy:

(You can read the full article here):

Albeit not yet dramatically visible across all firms, practices, or geographical areas, there’s a strengthening quality-of-life undercurrent in the profession. Men and women alike are increasingly refusing to adhere to the law’s cultural rules. ... They are drawing attention to the ways in which the profession is failing its lawyers. Some are even breaking the rules by refusing to settle for a life marked by professional dissatisfaction, opting instead to chart a new satisfying path in the law or to step away from the profession altogether to attend to what many consider the most important things in life: personal interests such as family and the pursuit of individual dreams.

A new generation of lawyers
Work/life issues aren’t only of concern to lawyers already admitted to the bar. Current law students and lawyers born after 1976 are members of the so-called Generation Y, and they stand together demanding a better quality of life and increased flexible work options. ...

Reacting also to the profession’s grim notoriety for inflexibility, many law students are even coming to view the law school years as the perfect time for starting or growing a family, while their schedules allow considerable flexibility. In fact, so many students share this view about the profession and childrearing that a “parent boom” is reportedly taking place at law schools across the country. According to one media source, the parent-boom phenomenon is no secret to officials at the University of California, Berkeley, School of Law, where even school officials acknowledge the boom. ... According to that same source, “Careful logic is apparently driving a parent boom among the student ranks. . . . What working attorneys and firm managers are just beginning to understand is that there is a generation entering the profession who don’t plan to pay someone else to watch their children.”

Current law school students aren’t the only ones planning ahead, though. Reports suggest that prospective law students who have their sights set on the JD are hoping that the credential will eventually be the key to meaningful work and will open doors to flexible work possibilities after they have taken time off to raise children. A recent study discovered that as many as 60 percent of Ivy League female graduates hope to stay at home to raise children. Many of the participants reported a desire to obtain a law degree, believing it would afford them the best opportunity for finding meaningful part-time, family-friendly work.

....

Still there??

I probably lost some of you, and a lot of you that are still here may have just skipped past the article part, but even if you didn't read it, what do you think? What generation do you belong to and do you really think Gen Y is figuring out this whole work/life balance thing any better? Do you even buy into "generational categorizing" to begin with? (Who does those studies anyway?) (And since when did Gen Y go back to 1976? I thought they were Gen X, but that shows what I know.) And sixty percent of Ivy League women?! Do you feel like this is a step backward or forward for feminism, or does this have nothing to do with feminism at all?

Future/current lawyers, have you tried this out? Has the workplace been more friend or foe to those of you trying out new paths? What about other professions?

What about you dads and guys out there? Regardless of profession, has your profession/employer been flexible in letting you be involved more at home or pursue other goals like travel or service? I've heard of some employers that give paternity leave now.

Other thoughts?

On power ...

2010-04-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

I needed this weekend. Family, Easter and General Conference. I have some thoughts about specific quotes from this year's LDS General Conference, but they aren't ready yet. It got me thinking, though. A lot was said about womanhood, motherhood, and gender roles. In short, a lot was said about feminism.

I loved Julie Beck's talk. Loved. Loved. Loved. And ever since Saturday when Elder Ballard spoke about the special bonds between mother and daughter -- family, children, work/home balance, child care, law school, marriage -- well, it's all been on the mind a lot more than usual, sneaking into the small breaks my mind gets during school between Constitutional Law and Civil Procedure and sometimes distracting me from Torts and Criminal Law. Then at home it's all I want to think, discuss, and read about.

Loving Julie Beck's talk so much, I Google'd her name. Most of the hits referred to the "Mothers Who Know" talk she gave a few years ago, which apparently caused the biggest stir since 1987 when women were instructed to come home and stay home full-time if possible. I read the 1987 talk for the first time tonight. Interesting stuff which left me flustered because it seemed incongruent with what I'd been taught. How could that be? How could such iconic advice, repeated so often in church meetings be so different sounding than what I'd heard growing up? It got me thinking more, and the more I thought, the more I was grateful for modern prophets. Because guess what? I'm not a mother in 1987. I am a woman in 2010 and will be a mother in the 21st century. I barely even existed in 1987. Maybe that means advice given to mothers in 1987 was not meant specifically for me. While basic principles and commandments remain true (have children, love them, teach them good things), the only specific counsel I am concerned about is that of my current leaders. (And thank goodness. Otherwise, we'd still be storing two years of pointless wheat instead of working toward a 3-month financial emergency fund or memorizing missionary discussions instead of studying from Preach My Gospel.) But surely, women, wives, and mothers in 2010 need some guidance, too. What is the counsel for me? What specific advice has my generation been given? What have we been asked to do? What were we told to plan for and plan on when we were youth, beginning to work toward all these goals?

I still remember this meeting. The incredible feeling of empowerment and light that went through me as he spoke. I remember coming out of that meeting feeling like I could take on the world. I remember feeling like there was someone in my corner. As a sophomore in high school, a prophet told me exactly what was expected of my generation and this was it:

Find purpose in your life. Choose the things you would like to do, and educate yourselves to be effective in their pursuit. For most it is very difficult to settle on a vocation. You are hopeful that you will marry and that all will be taken care of. In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so.

Study your options. Pray to the Lord earnestly for direction. Then pursue your course with resolution.

The whole gamut of human endeavor is now open to women. There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set your mind to it. You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world of which she will be a part.

I was in the hospital the other day for a few hours. I became acquainted with my very cheerful and expert nurse. She is the kind of woman of whom you girls could dream. When she was young she decided she wished to be a nurse. She received the necessary education to qualify for the highest rank in the field. She worked at her vocation and became expert at it. She decided she wanted to serve a mission and did so. She married. She has three children. She works now as little or as much as she wishes. There is such a demand for people with her skills that she can do almost anything she pleases. She serves in the Church. She has a good marriage. She has a good life. She is the kind of woman of whom you might dream as you look to the future.

For you, my dear friends, the sky is the limit. You can be excellent in every way. You can be first class. There is no need for you to be a scrub. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you. Particularly, pay no attention to what some boy might say to demean you. He is no better than you. In fact, he has already belittled himself by his actions. Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for its opportunities, and forever and always be loyal to the Church.

Guess what? We did it! I remember feeling strongly that I would serve a mission. I remember resolving to earn a graduate degree. I remember committing to nothing less than a temple marriage. I remember wanting to be a mother. I remember feeling relief and thinking "Did he really just use a working mom as an acceptable role model?" Covenants, education, excellence. THAT is what my generation was asked to do, and now we are doing it. All around me, I see my peers striving to improve their minds, their testimonies, their families, their communities. And this weekend, we got new sources of support and counsel to help us keep doing it. I love conference.

Yo quiero Taco Bell ....

2010-03-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

The Taco Bell in the student center doesn't give you a number when you place your order. Instead, they ask your name. Then they yell it across the entire food court when your food is done. I've always wanted to give them a fake name. Someone ahead of me did that once. "Mickey Mouse! Crunchwrap Supreme!" Today the name called before mine was Ferris. I wanted to counter with "Bueller" but hesitated because what if it was actually the guy's name?

Today I wanted to be Shia.

Other days Emily or Rachel or something generic and believable so I would be the only one who knew and enjoyed my lame jab against conformity. Yesterday the name Ariel almost slipped out. Inevitably, though, I always chicken out because my real name is on the ID card I pay with, and for some reason I care about how much respect the Taco Bell cashier in a college student center has for me.

Wouldn't it be awesome if every day I gave the first name of a different U.S. Supreme Court Justice? So many rich choices: Ruth, Antonin, Clarence, Sonia.

Anyway, that's not really the point of this post. It's this: Socialism is not evil.

I don't necessarily think it's good economic policy, but it's not evil.

And reading letters to the editor in the campus paper equating socialism with communist dictatorships or supporting socialist policies with supporting the shredding the Constitution and appointing a monarch ruins a perfectly good Burrito Fresco with mild sauce.

Eat, breathe, sleep

2010-02-25T21:06:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I was laying in bed half-awake with the half-asleep part of me convinced sleep was a four-part legal test and I could only convince the judge I satisfied three of them. He ordered me to stay awake until I could satisfy the fourth prong.

Judges are mean. Until you realize they are exhaustion-induced hallucinations.

Permission to move about the well?

2010-02-23T07:37:00.000-08:00

The other side: "We'd like to have the government documents removed based on the fact they can't be substantiated."

The judge, turning to me: "Response, counsel?"

[Awkward pause as whole room waits for us to respond.]

Me: "Um. We object? Because it would be harmful to our plaintiff?"

[Awkward pause PLUS blank stare from my partner.]

The judge: "Counsel, are you citing to a specific rule?"

My brain: "There's rules??? What rules?? And they're NUMBERED?!"

You shouldn't hire me yet.

Nap time ...

2010-02-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

It was one of those days. The kind where I left class ten minutes early because the ridiculous head-bob of delirium was starting to pose a danger to my classmates' physical safety and then I found myself on a couch in the student center face down on fabric that has seen WHO KNOWS how many shoes with my own feet on the other end of the couch revealing bright, neon pink socks that I only wore with my black dress pants and shoes because my feet were freezing and I figured I'd just wear them on the walk to school but then I was too tired to bend down and take them off. I had just under three hours before class so I fell asleep for a twenty minute nap to be followed by two hours of homework but instead, woke up three hours later. I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. So risking tardiness to class, I stopped by a mirror on the way in. Bad idea.

Dang those socks were pink.

It was the kind of nap where you are so tired that when you're falling asleep you are thinking two things:

#1 There is a very high probability I will jerk wildly awake with drool all over my face in front of all these strangers but I need this nap too badly to care.

#2 I wonder if anyone I know will walk through and see me sprawled out so pathetically. Who do I know that goes to BYU? Hmmm...most of them have graduated. Hey I know [insert name] went here. So did [insert other name.]

This last thought led to a really ridiculous strain of thoughts that involved hypothetical situations I did not want to occur like my ex-boyfriend randomly approaching me in the student center because of some really unlikely scenario that led him to campus even though he now lives states away and has been graduated for years. As I pondered how awful it would be to run into him like that, I started wondering who I WOULD like to be woken up by, pink socks, and drool notwithstanding. So I fell asleep thinking about my husband.

And woke up dreaming about tacos.

2010-02-01T16:26:00.000-08:00

The heading under a case about a boat fire reads:

Like a Winged Monkey Flying Out of the Ashes ....

I really feel like there should be something to say about this.

Pandora's box ...

2010-01-18T21:06:00.000-08:00

Do you think The Beatles are offended Pandora thinks their style is similar to the cast of Glee?

2009-12-17T12:22:00.000-08:00

Finals are over.

I'm really not sure what just happened.

Need some post-semester reflection? I do. Here are some of the highlights from the past year of Syntax and Syllables:

I got locked in a gym.

Adolescent memories were revisited; I even revisited fifth-grade.

I wrote a list of all the things I hoped for in a husband ... then I found him.

I applied for law school and then I got accepted.

I worked for a newspaper and then I didn't.

Sam is pretty much my hero.

Dave turns out to be a sleeptalker and his family officially accepts me as part of the clan.

The Internet saves me from take-out.

The liberty of silence ...

2009-12-13T19:35:00.000-08:00

"Liberty of speech and of writing is secured by the Constitution, and incident thereto is the correlative liberty of silence, not less important nor less sacred." -- Wallace v. Railway Co.

*Hiatus continues until finals are over. I may reserve my right to silence, but you don't have to. Comment below.

Are you sure you want to delete this post?

2009-12-11T21:26:00.000-08:00

Yes.

And now it is gone.

So you get this one instead ....

*Happy Holidays!

On housekeeping ...

2009-12-07T13:08:00.001-08:00

Two days ago I spent 45 minutes cleaning out my e-mail inbox. For the first time in months I don't have unopened messages and lots of junk mail greeting me when I log in. Today I'm spending an hour, but only an hour -- finals start on Wednesday, people! -- doing as much laundry, dishes, and general straightening as I could in 60 minutes. Part of me thinks it's just a way to justify procrastination. It's taking all the discipline I have to keep staring at my Contracts outline. Another part of me is conviniced I'll study better now some of the junk in my life is gone.

I had the same neurotic tendencies at work. Even when I was pushing right up against deadline, I'd often take the time out from writing to clear off my desk, go through papers, and wipe off all the gross grime and dust that would invariably settle around my computer. I think it helped me write more clearly, but I rarely tried it the other way, so maybe I was just putting things off unnecessarily. Does anyone else have a hard time concentrating when they feel like their desk, e-mail inbox, kitchen sink, or laundry basket is about to swallow them whole?

Study break ...

2009-12-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

A thought before I return to the books.

Time's cover article this week is titled "The Decade From Hell."

America was attacked. Hurricane Katrina. Two stock market crashes. Tsunami wipes out part of Asia. China is hit by an earthquake. The Middle East, well ... you know what's going on there. It's a good read, slightly depressing, but actually rather invigorating. (Click HERE if you missed the previous link. If you pick up a hard copy, be sure to check out the article "ABC's" which highlights some pretty amazing advances in health care and technology from recent times, too.)

Meanwhile, in my decade: My family moved. I got a driver's license. I danced on pointe, learned to play the cello, and pursued a love for singing. The Olympics came. I graduated. I went to college. I switched majors. I had my first kiss. I voted for the first time. I worked at a newspaper. I graduated again. I worked for another newspaper. I went on a mission. I came back to a newspaper and got my first full-time paycheck. I sang a solo in the Salt Lake Tabernacle. I had my last first kiss. I got married. I went back to school.

All the while the towers were falling, storms were brewing, and there were several moments of poltical upheaval. I was lucky enough to watch most of it on TV monitors standing with co-workers in a newsroom and the buzz of the scanner in the background. Decade from hell? Hard to say. But it has been one hell of a ride.

What are your decade highlights?

2009-12-04T18:01:00.000-08:00

I am not Michelle Kwan. My 10-year-old self would be very disappointed in this revelation. Back then I was absolutely sure I would medal in the Olympics one day. But I'm willing to take responsibility for my lack of achievement. I'm not Michelle Kwan because of some judging scandal or because my parents forced me to take piano lessons instead. I am not an Olympian because after a couple years worth of lessons, I just didn't want to spend 5 hours a day in an ice rink. And tying ice skates is harder than it looks. Though the spins were really cool.

I quit journalism. It wasn't the fault of the failing newspaper model, the switch to Twitter, or pressure from editors that forced me out. No. I made that decision all on my own, and when it came right down to it, I just didn't want to do it anymore.

I will continue to take full credit for any non-achievements in life EXCEPT ...

... I have no guilt in justifying the heck out of why I am not a runner.

Dave dropped me off at campus this morning on his way to work. We had to stop multiple times for joggers to cross in front of us. These people are insane. I sat admiring them with their earbands and special running tights and red cheeks, watching as their breath turned into fog in front of them. If you can see your breath it is way too cold to be running. But I felt like a wimp admitting to myself the real reasons I will never be one of them. *cough*laziness, lack of dedication, love of all things comfortable and warm*cough*. No. I rose to much greater heights. By the time I'd walked in the law building I'd convinced myself the real reason I don't run is because I don't own, and can't currently afford, the special tights. Yup. It's definitely my limited income and lack of proper apparel that's keeping me back. If we could just afford those running tights, I'm sure Dave and I would both be running marathons by March.

No worries, I'll find a new excuse before summer.

A rose by any other name ...

2009-12-02T15:27:00.000-08:00

would smell just as bad.

I don't really like the smell of roses.

I don't really like the smell of the Twilight series, either. But this post is not about the reasons I don't like Twilight.

It's about how today I was clearing out my e-mail inbox in an effort to clear my head while studying for finals. I found several conversations with the label "Edward, me." Who is Edward? I wondered. And then I realized they were correspondance with my former professor Ted Pease who wrote me a few letters of recommendation a few months ago. That makes sense, I thought. No one actually goes by Edward, right? Which led me to thinking ...

Wouldn't it be awesome if Bella called her vampire boyfriend Ted??

and

Why aren't teenage girls chanting the name Ted or Eddie?

Personally, I think it would be a huge improvement over the original version.

The grown-up table ...

2009-11-30T15:36:00.000-08:00

Six-year-old Sarah Jane told us we couldn't pretend with her. Dave and I wondered upstairs looking for something to do besides watching a recording of a concert we've already seen with the adults. Giggles, and lots of them, came through the closed door. Dave smiled and said, "We should go in play with them!"

We walked in and immediately SarahJane tore off a crown, trying to hide it in her lap and Abby turned red.

"Whatcha guys doing?"

"Playing princess."

"Can we play?"

The two first-graders looked at each other and then eyed us suspiciously.

There was a long pause.

"No."

And they turned back to each other dismissing us completely.

Dave just stood there.

"Really?" I tried again. "Please? We're really good at pretending."

"No," came the definite reply.

And that is how Dave and I officially became adults. I blame marriage.

On 8th grade English

2009-11-27T18:44:00.001-08:00

Poor kids in English literature ... name three.

Politically speaking ...

2009-11-19T15:53:00.001-08:00

Today I listened to pro-polygamy lawyers, a lecture on Native American sovereignty laws, and why the kind people at Planned Parenthood want more sex education. I love law school.

It all got me a little politically charged, so I was in quite a state when I got this from my mom. She doesn't ever send me forwards, but she mentioned she saw a CNN clip someone sent her that had her concerned about the health care bill. I asked her to send it to me. This is what I got:

(First, the written intro, in exactly the font size it was sent.)

It is pretty amazing. Click on the link below and watch the video. The message says this video has been pulled. It may have been pulled from CNN (it didn’t show up under the search I did for Lou Dobbs Amnesty Bill although it took me to a page of other stories) but it does show up on YouTube. I love the internet! It may be the one thing that keeps us sane during these obnoxious socialist/Marxist/communist times. Although they want to control the internet, it will be harder than most things. Anyway, here’s the video.

I KNEW this was going to happen. (That way Obama wasn't lying when he said illegals would not be able to get medical coverage under his ObamaCare plan. His simple fix is to make them all legal first.)

The e-mail then suggested that this clip should be required viewing for every American. You know what else should be required?

FOR PEOPLE TO STOP YELLING AT ME IN CAPS LETTERS AND USE THE WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE AT THEIR FINGERTIPS THROUGH GOOGLE to prevent being brainwashed by e-mail forwards.

(Font irony intended.)

This clip is from June 2007. Bush was still in office. It has nothing to do with the health care bill currently in debate. Nope. This bill was actually a compromise bill between parties more than two years ago, not the liberal one-sided piece of legislation as it was presented in the clip. It proposed that everyone get amnesty but the borders get a heck of a lot more guards and funding. And guess what? It died. Neither the House or Senate liked it and it didn't pass. Nothing similar has been introduced since. Meaning we're all safe from having to pay for doctors and lawyers for our illegal gang member friends. Perhaps the best part is the Lou Dobbs show isn't even airing anymore. The Internet may be hard for the liberals to control, but it's equally as hard to keep the nut-wing group from using it promulgate news clips by unscrupulous, racist reporters who don't even report anymore.

So breathe deep, dear reader. The world is safe once again from communism and the Marx brothers until the next e-mail forward you get from your uninformed, reactionist friends.

Yes, dear?

2009-11-17T19:14:00.000-08:00

Dave: You know, the more I learn about the 20th-century, the more I become convinced Communism was a very bad thing.

---------------------------------------------

Me: Sometimes I feel like you tell me things just to make me feel better. I don't want you to patronize me and say things you don't mean.

Dave: Like what?

Me: Like I'll say I'm frustrated with my performance at school and you'll say I'm doing fine. Or sometimes it seems like you're agreeing with me just to agree with me.

Dave: You're right. I don't say things I don't mean, but I won't say them to just to make you feel better anymore.

(Pause.)

Dave: Feel better?

Ummmmm....